We officially broke up today (:
He broke it I guess :D
And now, I'm officially single :D
Dunno how I feel about that
A little sad I guess (:
But my feelings had been some muddled lately
Even I do not know what I am thinking...
Oh well (: Might as well be happy :D
It's alright to be the one to bear the burden, to stand the jeers, to walk the plank and bear with the hate.
But it is never right to get branded as "annoying".
Take it this way, you love your friends like hell. You would do anything for them. Sacrifice classes, egos, and happiness. You do everything you can for them. Be a friend, sister, mother (yes, sounds old but it's true.) or even a listener that sits for hours listening to nonsensical crap and telling you back some of my own nonsensical crap. Stick up for them, agree with everything, bash up that person that makes them cry.
And at the end of the day, no one comes to you even when you are so hurt you could just throw yourself down from a freaking high building. You know why? This is because everyone thinks I am titanium, a hard boulder, an android that has no feelings because I never show an inch of sadness in front of them. Just because I don't cry like you people, doesn't mean I am feelingless!
It isn't easy ya know, being the fire extinguisher or the middle person. I have to make so many parties happy, agree with anything and never utter a single word when you guys say no to anything I've suggested. Did you guys notice that? Seems not. Why? Cause everyone again thinks I don't mind. Because I never say a single thing against your decisions. I agree with everyone and leave it to you guys to discuss whether you want this, that or the other or not. What else do I have to do? I've comforted everyone I can. Do you want me to go on my bended knees and beg you guys? All I want is to have everyone happy and talking with each other on the day of the competition. But no, everyone doesn't see that. They see me as a betrayer, a stupid person, an idiotic person that has NO right to be angry or sad or I will be scorned at.
I can't break down, cannot cry, cannot make a face. Once, when you guys suddenly choose a different thing and told me at the last minute. I was pissed. But when I show a bit of displeasure I got shouted at. At last? I gritted my teeth and worked it out. At that time, I was bad mooded too! I was sick and on meds with a sleepy situation. Did anyone ask what's wrong? NO! They only noticed that I was bad mooded. No wrong on their part. only wrong on my part because I was bad mooded.
Ever noticed that when you guys are in bad moods, you have people backing you up. Supporters, consolers, including me! What happened when I was mad, when I was hurt? Everyone talks behind my back. Now you guys have the guts to call me a betrayer?! Who is the betrayer?
When I'm in a bad mood, I can't shout or breakdown. Coz I know if I do, everyone will breakdown with me! I've withstood your ever-changing moods, rude words and ignorance for so long. If I have to stand another minute of this I will burst out and become one of those demented people!
There, I've spitted everything I felt out. Now everyone will probably hate me because as I said, I CANNOT complain! I am supposed to be the stupid android girl that plans, does, asks, and hated. The middle fire extiguisher. But I don't care, at least I don't talk behind your backs, I tell you straight in the faces. At least I don't call YOU a betrayer. And at least I did not shout it to your faces.
That's all I can say, and thanks a lot to my friend Wang today. Without her, I would probably have a breakdown, meltdown and jump right off the balcony.
There. Say what you want about me now I don't mind.
So I haven't been updating my blog for ages now, so i'm gonna update it now since something happened to me today that made me so mad I could just. BARF (:
I seriously do not know what I did. All I did was stand while waiting for their conversation to end so that I could talk. But do you know what happened? I got snapped at and talked to as thought I'm a dog. I am not gonna elaborate on this (: Siapa makan cili dia yang rasa pedasnya :D But I was seriously pissed. I do not like to be treated like a dog (: And you know. If you've been following my blog (or stalking it) this whole time. That I would give a payback to those people who made me mad. For no reason!
Who do you think you are anyway? Do you think you're really that popular with the whole world under your feet and following whatever you say? Guess what, you are NOT. And don't you think you could get past me so easily. If you were trying to prove something to me, you obviously did it already. Proving how rude you are (: Do you know? There's a saying in BM that states that a child is a piece of white cloth, it is up to you to colour it . How do you show a good example to kids if you are worse than them? If you think you are great, then lemme tell you this. You FAIL.
All I can say is, you'd better becareful. I've been pretty controlled and good this year (: Want another outbreak of Vanessa's-gila-disease? I can you know. I can choose to be as bad as I want. :D This is called kebebasan. Freedom. And if you become the person that triggers my madness, I think a lot of people will hate ya :D
kthxbaii ;) And please, anyone reading this don't be perasan ;) Perasan-ness kills the Dog :D
This story is so touching it definitely did almost make me cry. Not from me though, I go it from Facebook. My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family.
There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.
How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, ‘EEEE, your mom only has one eye!’
I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?’
My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.
I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.
Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her grandchildren.
When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, ‘How dare you come to my house and scare my children!’ GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!’
And to this, my mother quietly answered, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,’ and she disappeared out of sight.
One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.
My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.
‘My dearest son,
I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children.
I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.
You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine.
I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.
With all my love to you,
Your mother.’
Go fuck yourself stupid guy (: BTW, if you are wondering why the mother never told the little boy when he was like this during his childhood. I think it is probably because the mother knew the kid wouldn't understand. And the sacrifices your mum make for you need not be told, she just wants you and me happy :D Love your mum (: kthxbaii :D
This year, I am gonna post another Mother's Day thing and gonna use very "chim" English so... Enjoy :D
Mum, I wanna tell you that you light up my life like nobody else (accept my bolster :P) and thanks for everything you have done for me. I know you'd tried to be more in tune with me and changed a lot and even bear with my crappy attitude every time without saying a word. Let's just say, I do not think your sacrifice have been wasted coz I seen it, and I wanna thank you so much :3 I'll try and be a better girl in future and the daughter of your heart ;D I hope you'll still love me despite being so annoying and bad mooded at weird times.
BTW, I also wanna thank you aunty/mum. You're like a mum to me already :D It's like I have mums with me wherever I go and I'm obviously very lucky because of that :D I thank you for everything too coz you were there for me when I needed to talk non-stop :D Oh yeah, and fixing my breakfasts, and washing my tupperwear, and nagging me to do stuff, and er... countless stuff (Teehee :D). Don't worry I'll try to be less lazy for you (:
Yeah and I have to thank both my mothers for being there to lend their ears when I needed to talk about simple stuff, school stuff and weird stuff about women :D It seems that when I start talking, I can't really stop ._. So thanks for being so patient and humouring me :3
All in all, thanks for all the sacrifices you both made for me. Even though you guys (girls) bite sometimes when I get lazy (which is a lot) I know you guys care for me :DD (again, girls) Special thanks for both of you who dared to change my bedsheets and my smelly (to you not me) bolster :DD I must say, I might just have the best mothers in the world :DDD
Happy Mother's Day mummies :D
I Love Ya!!! :3
Here are some of the activities we've done during merentas desa last saturday (:
One word. Weird.
This is obviously me :D And I'm not sure why I look like that. My friend Janet took it when I was doing goodness knows what :P
We ran (I walked) til our legs hurt like shyt. And when we reach back. I got insulted by my teacher and her favourite student for not being able to run :DDD Hardi har har :\ I guess they WERE joking. Too bad I don't feel amused (: Nah ┌∩┐(-_-)┌∩┐
Was altogether a fun experience :DD (accept for the insult/joke/idunreallycare) Don't have much to write now (: Will write an inspirational post the next time i on (:
So I just got through debate and public speaking without dying from nervousity (:
I think I pretty well did the crappest in the whole performance :DD In debate, I forgot to summarise :DDDD
So smart right? :""DDD
I'm stupid. :((
So today, I went and did some Choir Club stuff. My teacher told me that someone told her that I am a "qin kam siu jie" which means er... something like a precious lady who sits all day doing nothing with people serving her. I am NOT! I do things :/ Goodness knows who told her that. D: Not surprising who is it though (: DUH.
Gotta go now :D BTW. I HEART ADELE LIKE HELL :DD
Go Adele <3 :)
I'm really really bored. So I'll just post this last thing before the first test starts :/ I'm scared. I don't wanna get to the bottom. So, I'm gonna study really hard. Hopefully, I can get decent marks :(
That day, I talked to socks again :) It's nice to talk to socks again :DD I missed that person ((: But I didn't see that person for.... 1 day and hadn't talk for a very long time dy :/ Hm... who knows, maybe that person has a new little person (':
Today, we had the Adele-lookalike teacher in class :DD She just realised that I talk as much as anyone does in a year and seem sceptical about it ((: Hey cikgu-cikgu and teacher-teachers sekalian (: It' actually GOOD to have a comedian in your class sometimes (: Appreciate it ;)
I guess I seriously have nothing better to write. So kthxbaiiii :D
I haven't wrote in my blog for a long time people. Sorry :O
I'm just so busy with from 3 :\ Like, if you're not doing homework, you're studying. Then you need to sleep :x (not that I study :PP)
Stuffs been kinda great lately (: The teachers in form 3 are alright I guess :P
BM teacher: Pn. Mas- hahahaha one of my fav :P
ENG: Ms. Chin
MT: Mr. Tan-He's... no words to describe xD
SC: Pn. Jamaliah again :DD- Really cute :P
GEO: Cik Anirah- OKLa :P
SEJ: Pn. Norrizah- She's nice (:
That's about all :P Nevermind the other subjects I'm just too lazy to write about it :D
Oh and my choir teacher is nice too :D Pn. Wong :PP Who always calls me baby even though I don't know why but it's nice anyway coz it make me sound younger xP
My mama ain't talking to me :( My school mama i mean (: Dunno why :O Sad :(( I hope she will talk to me or maybe she thinks I should go and talk to her :DD Okay :PP Maybe I will :DD I'm just scared she's biz :\ Sorry mama :x
Imma gonna participate in public speaking. Hope I can win :DD Kinda nervous though :P Weird eh? VANESSA TAN is nervous xD
Well anyways, I love you all. Below is a hand drawn from gel ink pen tattoo I did for myself until it washed off when I wash my hands :( Rate ya :D
My poor washed off tattoo :( The pic was taken BEFORE it was washed off :x
Chinese New Year is coming. Basically, I can't wait for chinese new year because of three things. And I'm gonna be totally honest about it :)
1) Angpow
2) Wearing new clothes :D
3) Food xD
During chinese new year, the food in our family rocks :PP And who doesn't want angpow? As for new clothes... Well, the thing is, I'm a girl so... Yeah.
Thing I look forward to before new year:
1) New clothes :DDDD
2) New accessories :DDDD
3) New shoes :DDDDDDDDD (still haven't find the right one yet :(()
4) New bag (?) :D
Today, I'm gonna tell you guys a bit about Chinese New Year. This festival is celebrated by the chinese to celebrate the new year on the Lunar calendar. Yes, new year for the english-huan is 1st of Jan every year. But the chinese calendar is a bit later :)
Do you know why we put fireworks during chinese new year? Yeah, partly because it's fun watching the expressions of the little ones in our family when we big kids are brave enough to light up a particularly scary and loud firework and they will be like, "wah...." and run into the house :DD
But the real reason chinese light fireworks during CNY is because of tradition. In the past, there's a ferocious monster that kills the people of the villages and terrorises everyone. The monster's name is, "nian". Yepp... You're getting the story aren't you? :) Anyway, to scare this huge monster, they light up those loud firecrackers to scare the living daylights of the monster thus, chasing it away from the village. Which is why in chinese, CNY is named, "guo nian". Meaning the departure of the huge monster that killed hundreds from the village.
Well, I think that's the story...
Will try to post pics of my CNY with my family this year :DD Sometimes I'm just too lazy to post though :P
Anyway, I got an angpow from the school today :D All the Chinese girls get one. Don't worry la, RM4 nia :PP But still happy la. At least the school cares :) And someone put the kind of Chinese new year songs that's old fashioned. You know, the high pitched types. Even us Chinese kids can't tahan xD
So this chinese new year, go home and celebrate it with your family. Don't give stupid excuses like, "I got alot of work to do!" or "Aiya... anytime meet oso can wan mah... Now Chinese new year I want go kai kai la". Yeah, you can meet your family anytime you want but it holds a significant meaning when you go home and celebrate the starting of the lunar calendar with your family. Remember, old people don't really care how much money you send them or how many stuff you buy them. To them, these are just valueless stuff created by man. What really matters to them is to see you come home and eat their home cooked food. Obviously, your parents and family ain't gonna force you home coz they just want you to be happy. But when you're enjoying a vacation or doing work frantically, think about how your family is feeling. It's not worth to hurt your whole family just for your own happiness :D So if you're planning to ignore your family members this CNY, go fuck yourself :3
Wish you guys a happy, healthy and prosperous (as usual :D) year ahead :D
For old people, hope you live for a thousand years and bloom with everlasting health :)
For the young, hope you happy, find your true love (um... xD) and score straight As in UPSRla, PMRla, SPMla... Whatever stupid exams you have every year :D
For the married, hope you give birth to 10 in a year :D And sparkle with the "passion" *wink wink* of marriage
For the single, don't worry la :D Everyone is destined to meet your other half :) Have patience and hope that the tree of love grows with beautiful blooms of happiness for you :)
For my family, I wish you will get everything you wish for :D
For my friends, ohana :P I wish that everyone that hurts you will reap what they sow :) And I want to tell you guys that I will always be there for you guys no matter whatever shyt happens :3
For my Chinese teachers I hope you will... Um... bloom like a lotus of wisdom and love :) (honestly, I'm not sure what I'm talking bout xD)
kthxbai :DD
Today was the first day of of our school activities. So I was up at 9 am just to catch the bus at 10 to school. When I reached there can see a lot of Girl Guides standing there blankly :D So I went and joined their blank standing :)
When the Girl Guide activity started, I was surprised I'm chosen as the pengerusi :) So I thanks everyone that chose me for supporting me :DD
As pengerusi, I have to lead a ladam kuda (horseshoe formation). And I am obviously crap xD First, I shouted to soft. Then, I forgot to ask them to march :DD Finally, it was over :PP Congrats to all the new AJKs :D
Then, it's time for choir club. We have a teacher named Miss Elyn, or Eleen, or Yee Lin... Sorry I'm not really sure... And when I first see her, I'm like... "just another teacher" But when she started singing I was like," what the hell???" She sings like... an angel :D Or an easier explanation is... Didya watch Snow White and the seven dwarfs in Disney when you were a kid? Yeah, she sound like Snow White singing :D Or the girl in the Sound of Music xD REALLY HIGH. Us kids was mo gui chang-ing (bulu roma menegak) down the stage :))))))) Kudos to her :DDD *applause*
Anyways, I was chosen for alto (lowest voice after bass) Was a little dissapointed. But I ealise that the low part is nicer :D Neways, the teacher made us all feel better by telling us that our lower voices are beautiful and not to feel dissapointed just because we are in the low one and not the high :) Maybe she's trying to make us feel better, but it's okay I guess :) The high part is like, HIGH. Oh, did I mention the teacher is good at playing the piano too? :D
I'm also chosen as secretary -.- The job with the most work to do (aisshhhh) But nevermind la xD Try for once :P
Guess that's all :) Oh FYI, this is the song we have to sing :D I'm singing the Collin part :PP Nice right? :D
Enjoy :) And I hate my headache it's killing me ><
9) The Cranberries-Zombie
8) The Wanted- Glad you came
7) One Direction-What makes you beautiful
6) Hot Chelle Rae-Tonight tonight
5) Adele-Turning Tables
4) Adele-Someone Like you
3) Evanescence-Immortal
2) Christina Perri-The lonely
1) :DD Adele-Set fire to the rain
Number 1 favourite song, Adele Set Fire to The rain really rocks :DD I wanna try and sing this one day.... Too bad my voice can't really shout like hers at the end... In proccess :)
kthxbai for spending time on my useless rants on what songs I like to hear :)
BTW, today is Friday the thirteenth :P
According to myths and legends or maybe even true facts, today is Black Friday. It's unlucky, blablabla. Not really though :P
Today went quite well :DD
Something happened at least :3
Anyways, I smiled at a teacher today for the first time xD
Coz I don't really know what to do :))
No need guess la people -.- It's Ms. Pam
Someone should write down in history the first time Vanessa smiled at a teacher xDDD
So today was the first time we had badminton meeting
Lee Sue Ann became the AJK Tingkatan 3 :D
Really sucks though. I got blamed that I put my side hair down
Whereas some other kids' hairs are messier than mine.
Can I say unfair much?
But I just stared at the person that blamed me
And act as though I am totally oblivious to what she just said LOL
Technically, my hair is kinda hard to keep neat.
I've tried to tie plait, plait come out.
Try tie one at bottom prefect say cannot.
I even pinned up my fringe -.-
Some people just cannot appreciate what they have... :\
Oh FYI,
Today I learnt something. :)
Don't feel bored xD
"What goes around comes around,
but when the karma strikes, it strikes not us
but the people we care about most.
Conclusion?
The thing that hurts most, is seeing the one we love suffer
Basically, what most students will be like on the first day of school is this:
"OMG! School, I'm gonna meet my friends again!!! :DD YAY!"
Technically, my reaction is kinda like that oso... (though not so sampat /.\)
So first day of school, I woke up at the first ring of my alarm (which happened to be Christinna Perri- A thousand years, not that it matters...). Do my stuffs... blablabla and went to school. I feel fresh, I feel great! I feel... NOT SLEEPY!!!! :DD
It's a good day :)
2nd day of school...
I feel... good :)
Freakishly sleepy...
3rd day of school...
What?! Wake up? Already?
Fine.... :(
Suckiest day ever.
