Today, I'm gonna write something that will sound absolutely CORNY! You can choose to read it or not. It's up to you entirely :))
I realised something the last few days of my life. I had been HAPPY. Something I haven't truly felt in a while. Why?
I decided to hurt the one I love the most, the one I will never hurt even if you wanna kill me. It's weird. Suddenly, what I want is to make that person which I will temporarily name.... uh..... T-shirt?? LOL RANDOM :DD OK. The point is, I wanna make T-shirt feel what I am feeling. I know that if T-Shirt feel the same way about me like how I felt about T-shirt, T-shirt will hurt, will feel the pain. Will feel what was once MY pain.
It's weird really, it is caused by a simple thing T-Shirt did. What T-Shirt did I shall not say. The point is. Once I start thinking of hurting T-Shirt, I felt HAPPY! I felt light-hearted and feel like a kid that haven't been fighting for attention since her brother was born (no that I do it anymore, it's an utter waste of time -.-).
I started doing everything I can to hurt T-Shirt, avoiding, juling-ing, whatever-ing. Simple gestures that won't hurt anyone physically but EMOTIONALLY I had learnt since I was a kid that being hurt emotionally is always worse than being hurt physically. Which is why I am rather interested in physchology (I spelt physch... something wrong. I dunno the spelling sowie :DD) .
Anyways, it all lasted for about a week. This week, in fact. Maybe someone reading this. Probably T-Shirt is wan of them will perasan that it's them. Up to you to perasan all you want :DD I will never tell you who it really is anyway :3 But on Thursday, I decided to give up. And once I start thinking of giving up hurting T-Shirt, all the hurt came back. All the pain of losing T-Shirt, the pain of having high hopes and dropping all the way to the bottom again, the pain of leaving T-Shirt, every type of pain that was haunting me all this while at the back of my mind was back. Haunting me again.
Luckily, I am not really a coward. I can kinda control my feelings if I want to. And I WANT to. I wanna end all this madness. I mean, there's not much time left and I am wasting my time running away from hurt just so I can hurt the one I truly care about? (And maybe T-Shirt care for me as well. I'm not sure really) That is the only thing making me move on. The light glowing, even though lifelessly, but still glowing, in a pit of pure darkness.
So the corny thing is, (don't worry, it's short. er... for me that is :DD) making someone that hurt you hurt, no matter who that person is. Even if that person is your enemy, it's the STUPIDEST, MOST CHILDISH THING ever. Do not ever do that. It will all end with regret. Why not save a bit of your time? Who CARES what people think? Even if they think that you are dumb and stupid for not hurting the people that hurt you before, think of yourself first. The people that teases you and urges you to fight is NOT you. The one that will end up regretting or hurting is NOT them. They only TALK. Coz if anyone that will end up being hurt, it's YOU and not THEM.
Sometimes, I realised it's actually good being a little eensey weensy bit discreet. I know any of my friends, teacher or the people that know me will go, " HAHA!! What do YOU know about discreet, you're the loudest most TALKATIVE and mindless SPEAKER in the WHOLE school!" Trust me dudes, or cikgus, or family.
IF I DIDN'T THINK BEFORE I TALK IN SCHOOL, WITH FRIENDS OR AT HOME. MOST OF THE ADULTS WILL GET A HEART ATTACK AND DIE ON THE SPOT WHILE I WILL PROBABLY HAVE 0 FRIENDS AND ENEMIES :DD
If you know the amount of things I shut up about, or why I always suddenly annouce "I'm damn emo" expecting comfort but letting my friends Kor and Vivian say that I am always emo. You will be surprised. You guys think I am hot tempered with a short fuse? Imagine. Try imagining right now friends, family, teachers whatever not Vanessa, happy and laughing and joking about how she don't know how to wear her bra. Not bad-rapper/horrible looking laugh Vanessa. Not tough and no nonsense Vanessa and not comforting Vanessa. Not complaining or idiotic or talking back kid. Imagine me sitting in a corner. Not reading or doing my revision. Pretending that I am. And CLENCHING my hands into fists, trying to stand the "nice" way everyone treats me sometimes, shutting my mouth and withstanding anger. To prevent heart attacks and anger.
OK. Stop that imagining. now, imagine me angry. Then, suddenly. Someone talks to me and POOF! Angry Van turns to Smiling Van!!!!! No one actually REALISES how emo I am sometimes :)) Can't blame you, I act fast :DD
The point is, shut up about some things sometimes, don't get yourself so mad at things that you don't really need to worry about. Chill. In the game of love, you have to be automatic. But sometimes, we should just float down the river of love and kill monsters only when you see one. With friends, shut up sometimes :DD Control your anger and you won't get any enemies. er... I'm not really sure if I have any enemies. anyone???? Please tell me why you hate me ya :3 I will listen. Dont' worry, I'm not the goody goody kid types that will call you to chill so much that you don't know how to stick up for yourself. If someone comes in front of you and go, 'Yo kid! Ever heard of fashion?" Don't stand there cowering away. Answer in a short and sarcastic way, "Yo! Ever heard of Listerine?" Or something like that :p Maybe a cooler way.
Hey. A little drama is good :DD It makes life richer :3 Sometimes, it's nice to have a little lawyer match with your friends or family or teachers :DD Keeps the world rotating :)
kthxbai :DD
I realised something the last few days of my life. I had been HAPPY. Something I haven't truly felt in a while. Why?
I decided to hurt the one I love the most, the one I will never hurt even if you wanna kill me. It's weird. Suddenly, what I want is to make that person which I will temporarily name.... uh..... T-shirt?? LOL RANDOM :DD OK. The point is, I wanna make T-shirt feel what I am feeling. I know that if T-Shirt feel the same way about me like how I felt about T-shirt, T-shirt will hurt, will feel the pain. Will feel what was once MY pain.
It's weird really, it is caused by a simple thing T-Shirt did. What T-Shirt did I shall not say. The point is. Once I start thinking of hurting T-Shirt, I felt HAPPY! I felt light-hearted and feel like a kid that haven't been fighting for attention since her brother was born (no that I do it anymore, it's an utter waste of time -.-).
I started doing everything I can to hurt T-Shirt, avoiding, juling-ing, whatever-ing. Simple gestures that won't hurt anyone physically but EMOTIONALLY I had learnt since I was a kid that being hurt emotionally is always worse than being hurt physically. Which is why I am rather interested in physchology (I spelt physch... something wrong. I dunno the spelling sowie :DD) .
Anyways, it all lasted for about a week. This week, in fact. Maybe someone reading this. Probably T-Shirt is wan of them will perasan that it's them. Up to you to perasan all you want :DD I will never tell you who it really is anyway :3 But on Thursday, I decided to give up. And once I start thinking of giving up hurting T-Shirt, all the hurt came back. All the pain of losing T-Shirt, the pain of having high hopes and dropping all the way to the bottom again, the pain of leaving T-Shirt, every type of pain that was haunting me all this while at the back of my mind was back. Haunting me again.
Luckily, I am not really a coward. I can kinda control my feelings if I want to. And I WANT to. I wanna end all this madness. I mean, there's not much time left and I am wasting my time running away from hurt just so I can hurt the one I truly care about? (And maybe T-Shirt care for me as well. I'm not sure really) That is the only thing making me move on. The light glowing, even though lifelessly, but still glowing, in a pit of pure darkness.
So the corny thing is, (don't worry, it's short. er... for me that is :DD) making someone that hurt you hurt, no matter who that person is. Even if that person is your enemy, it's the STUPIDEST, MOST CHILDISH THING ever. Do not ever do that. It will all end with regret. Why not save a bit of your time? Who CARES what people think? Even if they think that you are dumb and stupid for not hurting the people that hurt you before, think of yourself first. The people that teases you and urges you to fight is NOT you. The one that will end up regretting or hurting is NOT them. They only TALK. Coz if anyone that will end up being hurt, it's YOU and not THEM.
Sometimes, I realised it's actually good being a little eensey weensy bit discreet. I know any of my friends, teacher or the people that know me will go, " HAHA!! What do YOU know about discreet, you're the loudest most TALKATIVE and mindless SPEAKER in the WHOLE school!" Trust me dudes, or cikgus, or family.
IF I DIDN'T THINK BEFORE I TALK IN SCHOOL, WITH FRIENDS OR AT HOME. MOST OF THE ADULTS WILL GET A HEART ATTACK AND DIE ON THE SPOT WHILE I WILL PROBABLY HAVE 0 FRIENDS AND ENEMIES :DD
If you know the amount of things I shut up about, or why I always suddenly annouce "I'm damn emo" expecting comfort but letting my friends Kor and Vivian say that I am always emo. You will be surprised. You guys think I am hot tempered with a short fuse? Imagine. Try imagining right now friends, family, teachers whatever not Vanessa, happy and laughing and joking about how she don't know how to wear her bra. Not bad-rapper/horrible looking laugh Vanessa. Not tough and no nonsense Vanessa and not comforting Vanessa. Not complaining or idiotic or talking back kid. Imagine me sitting in a corner. Not reading or doing my revision. Pretending that I am. And CLENCHING my hands into fists, trying to stand the "nice" way everyone treats me sometimes, shutting my mouth and withstanding anger. To prevent heart attacks and anger.
OK. Stop that imagining. now, imagine me angry. Then, suddenly. Someone talks to me and POOF! Angry Van turns to Smiling Van!!!!! No one actually REALISES how emo I am sometimes :)) Can't blame you, I act fast :DD
The point is, shut up about some things sometimes, don't get yourself so mad at things that you don't really need to worry about. Chill. In the game of love, you have to be automatic. But sometimes, we should just float down the river of love and kill monsters only when you see one. With friends, shut up sometimes :DD Control your anger and you won't get any enemies. er... I'm not really sure if I have any enemies. anyone???? Please tell me why you hate me ya :3 I will listen. Dont' worry, I'm not the goody goody kid types that will call you to chill so much that you don't know how to stick up for yourself. If someone comes in front of you and go, 'Yo kid! Ever heard of fashion?" Don't stand there cowering away. Answer in a short and sarcastic way, "Yo! Ever heard of Listerine?" Or something like that :p Maybe a cooler way.
Hey. A little drama is good :DD It makes life richer :3 Sometimes, it's nice to have a little lawyer match with your friends or family or teachers :DD Keeps the world rotating :)
kthxbai :DD
