Things I want and like (part 2)

Grand piano....... I want!!! Ahahahahahaha
And

I want someone to love me. To truly love me. Never mind my flaws and badnesses and evility or whatever. I just want someone to love me for who I am. And not to love me because tey want to change me :))
kthxbai :DD

10 things i want and like

Okayy~ I damn love playing the piano. currently. I'm trying to play the song My Love will get you Home-Christine glass by ear. And I found this awesome pianist in Youtube named Ray Mak. Inspiration for piano @@
Here's one of my favourites from him :DD

And also... I wanna learn this... I love the song too! Skyscraper-Demi Lovato

So please subscribe him ya :DD xD
Owh... this is my favourite song currently :))

:)) And I still love Doraemon :DD

Hehe... I edited.. DAMN CUTE >< Last time I had a HUGE Doraemon. Til my mum went and gave it to someone. Not really her fault. I don't like Doraemon yet at that time :P
Owh! And I want this.

haha... RM299. I'm not so rich can afford an I-Phone 4 or 5. Unless it's China brand wan. xDD But I don't think my dad will get it for me. I mean, I just changed my hp for two years ><
And I promise I won't get another wan :P But I don't know if Samsung hp can last long :((
And.... HEADPHONES :DD

Okay, I'll admit that I'm like every single girl on the planet even though I try to not admit it. But I.LOVE.PINK :p I told my friends I hate pink >< xDD But I' starting to realise that pink is so meeee :DDD
I'm not gonna go for those things that I can't buy unless I earn lottery (I wish :)) So...I want this

JUICY COUTURE BAGGG IN BABY PINK!!!! (Pink again :PP)
So if I take the samsung corby, wear the pink headphones and grab my baby pink juicy couture bag :DD
I'll be the PINK lady xDD
Somemore!!!!

I RAWR! These high dunks :DDDDD
Owh... I'm planning to get these games soon BTW... :DD

You can buy them cheap :)) Not telling you guys where. ahahahahaha
LOL When Sims 3 do sex (WooHoo in Sims language) Flowers fly out xDD
Hm... Guess I only did 8 things. Nvmind! I'll post another two when I think bout it. xD

Get

There are sometimes, when humans try to get something they will never get. Find something that is impossible to find. trust something that hurt them again and again. That's me :)) I'm a human too :DD
Some people always forgot I have feelings too though :))
Things are pretty darn weird these few days. I signed up to do a Kemerdekaan deco thingy for a competition that my school MIGHT win. Me, wang, Emily, Siva, Kirthana, Megan, Amelia, Jasmeeth and my two teachers. Pn. ashikin and Pn. Norizawati got together and did all the banners for the school. There are some few other form 1s that did the bunga raya :)) Thumbs up for all of them! :DD
We got all chatty during this period of time :)) I'm darn happy xD You won't believe how many interesting things we talk about! haha.
Hope we can do this again sometime :))
Holidays are here. ahahahhaa....
As usual. I'm pretty dang miserable :DD No one shalt know why.... xD Only some people know.
Today, I did something unexpected. I told my feelings to someone with the species that I never trust. IE: Adults. Hm... Weird. I never thought I can trust adults anymore :)) But I don't know if I can trust her. Yet.
Any ideas on how to spend my holiday? Please give your opinions. PLEASE. xD
I'm really desperate
I'm gonna end my post with a SELAMAT HARI RAYA and MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN to all my friends, teachers and their families! Have a HAPPY HOLIDAY!! :DD

Enjoy :))
kthxbai :DD

Hurt

I love this song... But sometimes, I wish that love will get me home. I try and try to love. But at last, i et dissapointment.

People in my life, my family. They never always support what I do. Every moment I'm at home. I'm in a war. I'm fighting against my family's insults on me. Now, they are nothing to me. Just feather light pricks on my soul. Only my parents can really make me cry now. They aren't the understanding mother that hugs you and tell you that things are gonna be alright. Since I'm small, I'm all on my own. I need to comfort myself.
Currently, I think I will be crazy one day. The person I love is confusing. And I wish I know what that person is thinking >< It hurts alot. But that person will never know. Coz I am not gonna tell. Ever. Maybe one day that person will realise. When I die or something.
School is the only place where I am happy. Not completely. But it's the place where I hope. Where I can see light. No, I don't confide my secrets to everyone. But I'm an extrovert. I feel better and stronger around people. That's why, I will never cry in school. Nothing will make me drop a tear there. Only at home will my tears fall. But as time passes. Even the tears are harder to fall. Maybe coz I'm so used to it that even if I wanna cry, no tears come out.
Life hurts. But no one knows. Coz around everyone, I act. I act happy in front of my friends. I act toughie in front of my teachers. I act feelingless in front of my family. That's mostly what I do in life. How good isit. I always wish that one day, Someone will come and hug me. Hold me in his/her arms and ask me to cry and tell out all my feelings. and maybe that person will be able to accept me for who I am and not what he/she wants me to be. That's all I want. Soemone who understands me and love me for who I am. Who accepts me. Wo can HUG me. I always have a special love for those who hug me :)) Specially female. Probably coz my mum never hug me. Note: NO. I AM NOT A LESBIAN -__-
Have you ever watched movies? Specially chinese dramas. Where people hang on to cliffs for dear life. I feel like that everyday. I am hurt most by that person. By that person that I have no reason to love. And everyday, I feel like I am trying to get up the cliff so that that person will see me. But everyday, someone will come along and kick my hands. So, I will fall. Almost. But I still managed to hang on, til today. One day, if my soul continue to shatter for that person. Maybe I'll finally fall down the cliff. The my life might not be so miserable anymore. But that person will never know what I feel. People tell me that person feels the same way bout me. But I'm confused, scared. And annoyed by my family who is never supportive on what I have done. But they don't know that whenever I wanna go to school or meet my friends. It's coz I'm tired of feeling so pressured at home all the time. Do a little bit wrong, I get scolded.I am happy around my friends, when I help out at school. When I talk. When i go to school. I don't feel so pressured then. evben though there is always something that hurts me there. But at least I get to feel that person's prescence. It's enough for me.
I really hope one day someone will understand me. I really hope one day someone will hug me and tell me it's alright. I hope someone will one day love me for who I am. I hope that one day someone will tell every family member of mine how I feel. 

It hurts, but it can be hidden

  Sometimes, I don't know what is it I did wrong. I mean, I'm not perfect! And I'm not the good-est kid on earth. And I know i'm a bad daughter, student, friend, and even girlfren to everyone. But can't you guys give me a break? I'm a fourteen year old teenager that needs some hugs, a few words of comfort and advice. And an allowance. Is it so damn hard to friggin give a HUG??? Or spend like, 5 minutes just to ask me, "how's ur day?"
  And YOU!!!! Who the hell do you freakin think you are??? Don't think you can treat me as a toy and throw me away when I get boring and old! So?? You don't like, tell me! Don't act as though the whole world is yours! Hey! You're not perfect too! Don't act as though you are all that! I love you to bits. And I can only love coz love is the only thing I can give. I don't expect your love back!!! Just don't act as though you don't friggin know me!
  I really feel like screaming so loud that all glasses on earth will break. But no sound comes out, I can hear it, only me. Coz I'm screaming in terror and pain inside. my subconcious is screaming and wondering why no one comes and tell me it's okay. That they will be with me, that I don't need to be afraid so long as they are here. Of COURSE no one does that! Who am I to the people around me? The moody rebellious teen that has no feeling. The weird student that doesn't do her homework, fights back and a stubborn kid. The friend that is scared of nothing, that goes first when something goes wrong, that comforts when someone is sad, that never seems to be moody for long. The strong and no nonsense kid. Never cries before in the many years of school life.
  That's the freakin impression I give everyone!WHY DO I FREAKIN DO THAT??! I do things, I secretly follow the instructions of people. I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT COMES INTO MY LIFE. Why is it SO hard to get someone to love me back???
  I try to look pathetic and miserable in front of everyone. I can't do it. I wanna just let go and cry in front of my frens and let them comfort me. Many times, I feel like crying. I'm just holding them back. Coz I'm egoistic, coz I know they will be dying to know wt happened and it's a complicated story, coz I know if a teacher see, the story will go to my aunt and reach my parents and my WHOLE family. THEN I have to explain to THEM as well. They won't understand. And at last, they will scold me for not telling, and I'll have to force myself not to cry again. WTF????????
  There are times where I wonder if people really care? Or they just do coz they need me for something.

Love to some is nothing

Coz they already have everything they want

But love to me is a priceless treasure

It's the only thing I have

To give, and hardly to take.

Unexpected

Sometimes, it's easy to smile and let it go... :))
But sometimes, it's hard to control your feelings. Damn hard. But who knows right? Everyone will only think you as the happy and tough friend, the kid that talk back and is cheeky, the daughter that is the most annoying, bad and rebellious. :D
Like I care right? it's kinda easy, like having a mind of my own. I mean, it's like retreating into your own little world, knowing that no one, nothing, and nobody can hurt you there
Yet sometimes, when I bring along all my grief and pain, it tortures me inside. To prevent it from going outside and torturing others. I may seem moody and such. But I found out that smiling and laughing helps alot. Even if you don't mean it. Even if every smile you give hurts. But it's better than being miserable.
Hm... I'l try being more happier. Maybe I can put on a good act in front of my mum and dad. I just have to try I guess. Thet don't understand when I ell them I'm miserable. And I don't wnana tell them why I am miserable. And if I don't smile cause there's nothing to be smiled bout. They expect me to. I asked them once, if they want me to smile even though I'm getting beaten to death, or rolled over by a car. And they said yes.
Told ya they made me strong. It's coz of them being totally oblivious to my feelings that made me strong. Don't tell them --" they don't understand --" I tried....
:)) Lost a friend BTW. Hm.. Maybe I shouldn't consider her as a friend anymore...