Sexist :o

I don't need to be special to anyone. (accept "socks" :D Daily readers should know who is socks from my last posts, but if you don't, it's the person that I care about most :p) I just want people to at least care for me and my brother EQUALLY. What's with the sexist-ness in this world? Girls are definitely higher IQ than guys, works harder than guys, more compassionate than guys. But still we have to FIGHT before we can actually get noticed! How long did we fight for studies and work and to be treated equally?? Yet, there are still people especially OLD CHINESE PEOPLE (not racist okay? I'm oso chinese) that favours guy grandchildren.
It's DAMN annoying let me tell you that. It's like, if I am in the same house at the same time with my bro, the whole day my granma will scold me for the little-est things and treat my brother oh-so-nicely. I got pretty pissed of this morning. I mean, can you BLAME me if PBA choose that time to fix some stupid water thing and cause destruction to the water system in our house?? (Technically, the destruction was no water running out of the taps) Therefore, I can't be expected to wash my plate after I eat right? So I put it beside the place my granma cooks. At last, she washed it for me and started scolding me about not washing my plates. I was like, " wtf?! Why can't you TELL me to go and wash my plate when the water can be used??" But I didn't say anything. No, I'm not scared (SCARED?? hahahahahaha!) But yes, I don't say anything coz if I shout back, the news will go to my aunt who will scold me, then my parents who will scold me, then my sister who will NOT scold me coz she's good natured but advise me, then my other aunt and granma who will scold me as well. So literally, my whole family will be involved in one little teensy-weensy bit of mistake.
In addition ( god am I writing an essay??), my brother did LOTS of mistakes. And you know what the adults say? "He's young, you should be a good example to him :)))))))))))))" One word: Fuck la. (Again, i will apologise to any people who feel insulted or any teacher who I am NOT surprised happened to be reading my blog :DD And yes, it's essential to put red colour and bold the two words :p)
Seriously, it started with my granpa, now my granma also kena 'chuan ran' (infected) by the disease which I like to call the, 'yangyang fan club disease' (BTW, yangyang is my brother) When I was 10, I could literally do EVERYTHING. Well, literally. And people didn't moon over me like they do to him. I admit, I am pretty much the loner and no-talker and not-as-bright-as-my-brother in front of my family (only my family :D You should see me in school :p) But can you BLAME me? Everytime I tried to get attention since the day he is born people say I'm jealous. The people around me, the not so old adults that TRY to ask me what's wrong, end up saying how good he is to me and how I should be like him. Yeah sure, be the crazy kid that takes a book and bangs his head in public and screeches like a cannibal gorrila? I'll pass.
As usual, I'M the jealous one, the LAME one, the ALWAYS-FOREVER-NOT-SMILING one.
Nope, as usual, I am the only one that is wrong, the one my parents tell everyone "oh, she can study better. But my son is the one that is the most happy-go-lucky one." Thet say it wistfully. But I know they're glad they ahd him. I'm actually glad too. My brother can make them happy. The burden is on him. I have given up LONG ago trying to please any member of my family. My trying is totally invisible in the looming shadow of my brother.
Trust me, I LOVE my brother. And if anyone tries to bully him. I'll literally fly like a lioness and rip that person's head off. I am even beginning to try and be nice to him. And change for my family. But they NEVER noticed that I don't talk back as much anymore when they scold me. I just cry secretly alone or read a book to calm me down (the crying is very seldom though :D). And they definitely NEVER notice that I'm trying to be good to my brother. You know why? Coz my brother is born out silly and innocent. The type of guy that always get bullied. He can't stick up for himself and is always sick. He's also a very well trained papa's boy. Therefore, everyone pays so much attention to him that they hardly pay any to me accept to always think and set in their mind I have a lot of faults. Why? Coz I'm not as weak as my brother (not weak in comparison), no one dares to mess with me, not bad in socialising, mostly does fairly well in studies (in their words, not mine) and basically acts like a lioness. I think they sometimes realise how emotional and sensitive I am inside and tries to make up for it. Maybe they don't know that I'm building a wall AWAY from them and hiding A LOT of things from them though..
The POINT is... I HATE holidays coz mostly, I have LESS attention than I have when I'm in school and come home for only quarter of a day. The quote 'happy holidays! :DD' just always forget to include me. School is much nicer. At LEAST your friends includes you and your teachers notices you sometimes (always :DD) because you are the noisiest kid ever :3 (I admit!! :D)
And the POINT is.. I HATE SEXIST ADULTS..... AND PEOPLE!! LITERALLY :D
P.S: Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT blaming my brother here. :DD
P.P.S: I'm blaming the people that spoiled him and ignored me :DDD
kthxbai~ :3

放弃

放弃 (for those who don't understand chinese, it's give up) :)
I'm giving up. I mean like, wtf?? I don't even DARE to try. Yeah, i'm scared. scared that I will be pushed away again. I'm kinda used to it but everytime anyone pushes me away it's a bad experience. Anggap I don't want to remember you  that way. Just anggap that the way I want to remember you is how happy you were once :) How your smile can make my deepest worries and sadness go away. :D My love to you is different from the love other friends are worrying about, breaking their hearts about. It looks the same. But it's not. You can call it affectionate love. And not romance love :3 
Yeah, most of you will be like, who the hell is she talking bout?? So weird eh. Yala. My life memang weird wan what. I'm not expecting a normal life :) It's ok for me actually. It's just that it hurts alot these few days. No wonder I can't sleep. Hm,,, mostly it's just well... little pains. Currently it hurts so much. Hello. Mostly I can control my feelings. But just now when I saw "socks" in his "basket" I nearly like. Oh did I say nearly? I mean literally cried. The tears didn't flow though. Thank GOD. I'm in PUBLIC for goodness's sake. Thank GOD I have enough self control. I don't know, I guess I'm even more upset than I thought I was. Damn down the whole day.
Which is one of the reasons I'm giving up. Hey! Even if I'm good and things work out for what, two days? It sucks again after a while. If I'm bad. And it gets wrong. So what?? I'm still treated like a toy or whatever is it socks think I am. I don't think socks even LIKE me. Just using me. I hurt like hell today xD You're probably wondering wth can I be so calm about my hurt. Hey! That doesn't make me hurt any less you know? I'm just TRYING to cope with it. What? Just because I'm hurt doesn't mean EVERYONE around me have to be -.-
Haha. I'll admit part of the hurt comes from jealously :) Everyone gets to see your smile. While me? I get to see how you try your best NOT to smile at me. How you try to push me away. Hey! The way I see it. Even a blind person can see how obvious you are. I'm not stupid. You want me outta here? Fine. It's nearing the end anyway. I'll keep my distance. I don't mind (No, actually I mind like hell -.-) But at least it makes you happy *shrugs* Guess I can do it. But I'll still be jealous. And everytime I see you being nice to someone else like you were to me in the future. My heart will be like a million unbelievably sharp arrows shooting into it. Whatever tho.... Guess time is the healer :)
Time makes it easier for you to cope, but it never heal the pain in your heart :)
From today. I'm not gonna try anymore. I'm gonna just let it flow. Never mind the hurt. It's just hurt. 

Enjoy :)) The pain xD
I never like to share pain though. It's nice making people happy :)

Sad :((

Yesterday was Prefects' Luncheon :DD Too bad I don't have any pics coz we weren't allowed to bring camera to school. Maklumlah, different master different rules -.- Most of the time dogs will follow a master right? :)
Hm... so we played some pretty stupid games at first. Then all the prefects get a prize. Unfortunately, my prezzie was LOST :'[ my darling junior gave me also LOST. Even my present for my junior also LOST :(( Present can buy again but I'm sad that my junior gave me the prezzie is lost as well TT If I found out who stole my presents I.WILL.KILL.THEM.
Nyways ytd we played water like sampat people xD (for those who don't know what is sampat it means er.... childish and immature :D) SOOOO FUN!! :DD Especially coz we're pengawas (prefect) and we're breaking the rules xD
Hampir kena marah by teacher :p But then we were like, "don't spoil the fun teacher" and I even offered to pour some water on her inviting her to play xD Not that she did though xP
Then we got chocolate XDD !!
Damn nice ler... OH! We also played with the spray that they sell in SnJ for christmas :3 I wan blue and white hahahahahahahah
kthxbai :DD
P.S: Whoever took my present better give me back or ELSE

Scared

You know.

Sometimes I'm so scared to approach you

Thinking maybe that if I talk to you

I will trust you again

And that I will be lied to again

Will be hurt by again. 

As time draws nearer to the end

I know I will have to end the show soon

I can't really expect you to hang on forever :D

I understand

People have to move on

But I will still always look out for you and remember you :)

Even if you forget about me

And if I live to a 100 years

I will still be the one that steps out and block you if a bullet is gonna hit you :p

Yeah it might sound like I'm exaggerating

But if you ain't living then I can't too :)

My love towards you isn't them same as what others' love are

It's different. 

And I hope that I can not ever be scared of you anymore. :']

Hm.

So I'm gonna share with you guys a song I like :)

My mother ( of all people -.-) introduced to me xD

But it's the greatest song ever :D

Kinda reflects my feelings :3

Weird right? Haha

My friends won't really imagine me as the sensitive type

More of the shout-like-sampat-girl xD

Hm... I'm kinda sentimental xD

Shhhhh :)