Random post :)

Hey readers :D Hope you are healthy and well :)

So it's gonna be 2012 in like... a day?

Hope that 2012 will be a better year for the broken hearted :D

Don't give up, hope is always there for you. It's just harder for some

And for those who has a splendid year

Hope that next year will be as sweet for you :)

Oh...

Tell me what do you think of my pics? They're not really good

I'm not complaining tho :)

Yeah I edited them (obviously :P)

Please comment or rate okay?

Thanks :D

Happy advanced new year folks :DD

personal favourite :)

:D

I know I haven't posted any shit for a very long time :)
So now obviously I'm posting something. and as usual, I'm late for it xD
So I've been to a camp recently and here are the pics :)
(I know what you're thinking you'll be like, "UGH! FINALLY she post something with PICTURES -.- hallelujah" :PP)

Jesslyn, Qiu Er(my patrol leader :D) and tharinee :) 

My tent :D Shared with Jia Yi :P

For those who never seen these before, they are not huge ketupats :D They're TENTS :)

Someone's feet :D

Elaine :DDDDD

The name of my patrol. GET RUDE :D It's actually Gertrude -.-

Tharinee is stalking xD

Qiu Er, Sze Ying, Seok Hwa and Elaine's tent :P Biggest xD

Tharinee, Jesslyn, and Jessica's tent :)

This is a handmade clothes and shoe rack and those are Girl Guide clothes

Qiu Er PL (panda laughing) and Sze Ying PS ( panda snoring) :)

Usssssss~ :D

Seok Hwa also :))

Jesslyn and Miss Tourism :)

Jesslyn is making a tripod :DD (which I still don't know how to do :P)

kthxbaii :)

Peace out :)

It's December!
I went to watch breaking dawn (part 1) with Wang :D

Everyone that watched the movie would probably agree with me the fact that this show consists of 90% kissing, 5% action and 5 % everything else :3 It was nice though :D Can't wait til part two comes out :)
So I went to this girl Guides' camp currently, and it was a great learning experience! (God, I sound like something out of the Readers' digest XD) But it was really fun :D
We ad to make our own stuff for putting our clothes and cook on. My schoolmates (including me) don't really know how to tie the knots and stuffs. The seniors there taught us a bit of everything. And our patrol leader was really nice and friendly :D I made lots of new friends (did i say Readers' Digest? I mean kindergarten -.-)
Going to another camp soon :D
BTW, holidays suck a lot :) Not surprising, it's normal to find discrimination in my family but with my brother all the time show obvious-ity that sucks. :D Everyone's telling me how GREAT my brother is now and how they hate me, everyone hate me and how my attitude suck even though it was influenced by them :D
Marvelous! My holiday's gonna be SO FUN! NOT.
Can't wait til school reopens, 6 hours per day and more if got activities :D Maybe I can wangle a few more hours :) Why stay at home and be compared to my brother if I can help it? ;) He pretends to be good, but one can't hear, the other one sides him, one has a fan club for him, one thinks he's all sweet and changed, and the other one thinks he's cute. -.- Pretty much a waste of time to tell my family that he is wrong sometimes and it's not always me
Oh!! Christmas's coming :D

Hohoho! :D

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas, is a new phone
And for my family to be happy always
And for socks to be happy :)
Then  I'm happy
Even if I hate the fact that my family sides my brother so much
I still love them :D
Hope you will grant my wish Santa :p
xxx Vanessa
Merry Christmas!

Sexist :o

I don't need to be special to anyone. (accept "socks" :D Daily readers should know who is socks from my last posts, but if you don't, it's the person that I care about most :p) I just want people to at least care for me and my brother EQUALLY. What's with the sexist-ness in this world? Girls are definitely higher IQ than guys, works harder than guys, more compassionate than guys. But still we have to FIGHT before we can actually get noticed! How long did we fight for studies and work and to be treated equally?? Yet, there are still people especially OLD CHINESE PEOPLE (not racist okay? I'm oso chinese) that favours guy grandchildren.
It's DAMN annoying let me tell you that. It's like, if I am in the same house at the same time with my bro, the whole day my granma will scold me for the little-est things and treat my brother oh-so-nicely. I got pretty pissed of this morning. I mean, can you BLAME me if PBA choose that time to fix some stupid water thing and cause destruction to the water system in our house?? (Technically, the destruction was no water running out of the taps) Therefore, I can't be expected to wash my plate after I eat right? So I put it beside the place my granma cooks. At last, she washed it for me and started scolding me about not washing my plates. I was like, " wtf?! Why can't you TELL me to go and wash my plate when the water can be used??" But I didn't say anything. No, I'm not scared (SCARED?? hahahahahaha!) But yes, I don't say anything coz if I shout back, the news will go to my aunt who will scold me, then my parents who will scold me, then my sister who will NOT scold me coz she's good natured but advise me, then my other aunt and granma who will scold me as well. So literally, my whole family will be involved in one little teensy-weensy bit of mistake.
In addition ( god am I writing an essay??), my brother did LOTS of mistakes. And you know what the adults say? "He's young, you should be a good example to him :)))))))))))))" One word: Fuck la. (Again, i will apologise to any people who feel insulted or any teacher who I am NOT surprised happened to be reading my blog :DD And yes, it's essential to put red colour and bold the two words :p)
Seriously, it started with my granpa, now my granma also kena 'chuan ran' (infected) by the disease which I like to call the, 'yangyang fan club disease' (BTW, yangyang is my brother) When I was 10, I could literally do EVERYTHING. Well, literally. And people didn't moon over me like they do to him. I admit, I am pretty much the loner and no-talker and not-as-bright-as-my-brother in front of my family (only my family :D You should see me in school :p) But can you BLAME me? Everytime I tried to get attention since the day he is born people say I'm jealous. The people around me, the not so old adults that TRY to ask me what's wrong, end up saying how good he is to me and how I should be like him. Yeah sure, be the crazy kid that takes a book and bangs his head in public and screeches like a cannibal gorrila? I'll pass.
As usual, I'M the jealous one, the LAME one, the ALWAYS-FOREVER-NOT-SMILING one.
Nope, as usual, I am the only one that is wrong, the one my parents tell everyone "oh, she can study better. But my son is the one that is the most happy-go-lucky one." Thet say it wistfully. But I know they're glad they ahd him. I'm actually glad too. My brother can make them happy. The burden is on him. I have given up LONG ago trying to please any member of my family. My trying is totally invisible in the looming shadow of my brother.
Trust me, I LOVE my brother. And if anyone tries to bully him. I'll literally fly like a lioness and rip that person's head off. I am even beginning to try and be nice to him. And change for my family. But they NEVER noticed that I don't talk back as much anymore when they scold me. I just cry secretly alone or read a book to calm me down (the crying is very seldom though :D). And they definitely NEVER notice that I'm trying to be good to my brother. You know why? Coz my brother is born out silly and innocent. The type of guy that always get bullied. He can't stick up for himself and is always sick. He's also a very well trained papa's boy. Therefore, everyone pays so much attention to him that they hardly pay any to me accept to always think and set in their mind I have a lot of faults. Why? Coz I'm not as weak as my brother (not weak in comparison), no one dares to mess with me, not bad in socialising, mostly does fairly well in studies (in their words, not mine) and basically acts like a lioness. I think they sometimes realise how emotional and sensitive I am inside and tries to make up for it. Maybe they don't know that I'm building a wall AWAY from them and hiding A LOT of things from them though..
The POINT is... I HATE holidays coz mostly, I have LESS attention than I have when I'm in school and come home for only quarter of a day. The quote 'happy holidays! :DD' just always forget to include me. School is much nicer. At LEAST your friends includes you and your teachers notices you sometimes (always :DD) because you are the noisiest kid ever :3 (I admit!! :D)
And the POINT is.. I HATE SEXIST ADULTS..... AND PEOPLE!! LITERALLY :D
P.S: Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT blaming my brother here. :DD
P.P.S: I'm blaming the people that spoiled him and ignored me :DDD
kthxbai~ :3

放弃

放弃 (for those who don't understand chinese, it's give up) :)
I'm giving up. I mean like, wtf?? I don't even DARE to try. Yeah, i'm scared. scared that I will be pushed away again. I'm kinda used to it but everytime anyone pushes me away it's a bad experience. Anggap I don't want to remember you  that way. Just anggap that the way I want to remember you is how happy you were once :) How your smile can make my deepest worries and sadness go away. :D My love to you is different from the love other friends are worrying about, breaking their hearts about. It looks the same. But it's not. You can call it affectionate love. And not romance love :3 
Yeah, most of you will be like, who the hell is she talking bout?? So weird eh. Yala. My life memang weird wan what. I'm not expecting a normal life :) It's ok for me actually. It's just that it hurts alot these few days. No wonder I can't sleep. Hm,,, mostly it's just well... little pains. Currently it hurts so much. Hello. Mostly I can control my feelings. But just now when I saw "socks" in his "basket" I nearly like. Oh did I say nearly? I mean literally cried. The tears didn't flow though. Thank GOD. I'm in PUBLIC for goodness's sake. Thank GOD I have enough self control. I don't know, I guess I'm even more upset than I thought I was. Damn down the whole day.
Which is one of the reasons I'm giving up. Hey! Even if I'm good and things work out for what, two days? It sucks again after a while. If I'm bad. And it gets wrong. So what?? I'm still treated like a toy or whatever is it socks think I am. I don't think socks even LIKE me. Just using me. I hurt like hell today xD You're probably wondering wth can I be so calm about my hurt. Hey! That doesn't make me hurt any less you know? I'm just TRYING to cope with it. What? Just because I'm hurt doesn't mean EVERYONE around me have to be -.-
Haha. I'll admit part of the hurt comes from jealously :) Everyone gets to see your smile. While me? I get to see how you try your best NOT to smile at me. How you try to push me away. Hey! The way I see it. Even a blind person can see how obvious you are. I'm not stupid. You want me outta here? Fine. It's nearing the end anyway. I'll keep my distance. I don't mind (No, actually I mind like hell -.-) But at least it makes you happy *shrugs* Guess I can do it. But I'll still be jealous. And everytime I see you being nice to someone else like you were to me in the future. My heart will be like a million unbelievably sharp arrows shooting into it. Whatever tho.... Guess time is the healer :)
Time makes it easier for you to cope, but it never heal the pain in your heart :)
From today. I'm not gonna try anymore. I'm gonna just let it flow. Never mind the hurt. It's just hurt. 

Enjoy :)) The pain xD
I never like to share pain though. It's nice making people happy :)

Sad :((

Yesterday was Prefects' Luncheon :DD Too bad I don't have any pics coz we weren't allowed to bring camera to school. Maklumlah, different master different rules -.- Most of the time dogs will follow a master right? :)
Hm... so we played some pretty stupid games at first. Then all the prefects get a prize. Unfortunately, my prezzie was LOST :'[ my darling junior gave me also LOST. Even my present for my junior also LOST :(( Present can buy again but I'm sad that my junior gave me the prezzie is lost as well TT If I found out who stole my presents I.WILL.KILL.THEM.
Nyways ytd we played water like sampat people xD (for those who don't know what is sampat it means er.... childish and immature :D) SOOOO FUN!! :DD Especially coz we're pengawas (prefect) and we're breaking the rules xD
Hampir kena marah by teacher :p But then we were like, "don't spoil the fun teacher" and I even offered to pour some water on her inviting her to play xD Not that she did though xP
Then we got chocolate XDD !!
Damn nice ler... OH! We also played with the spray that they sell in SnJ for christmas :3 I wan blue and white hahahahahahahah
kthxbai :DD
P.S: Whoever took my present better give me back or ELSE

Scared

You know.

Sometimes I'm so scared to approach you

Thinking maybe that if I talk to you

I will trust you again

And that I will be lied to again

Will be hurt by again. 

As time draws nearer to the end

I know I will have to end the show soon

I can't really expect you to hang on forever :D

I understand

People have to move on

But I will still always look out for you and remember you :)

Even if you forget about me

And if I live to a 100 years

I will still be the one that steps out and block you if a bullet is gonna hit you :p

Yeah it might sound like I'm exaggerating

But if you ain't living then I can't too :)

My love towards you isn't them same as what others' love are

It's different. 

And I hope that I can not ever be scared of you anymore. :']

Hm.

So I'm gonna share with you guys a song I like :)

My mother ( of all people -.-) introduced to me xD

But it's the greatest song ever :D

Kinda reflects my feelings :3

Weird right? Haha

My friends won't really imagine me as the sensitive type

More of the shout-like-sampat-girl xD

Hm... I'm kinda sentimental xD

Shhhhh :)

Lesson Learnt :DD

So I went out with Wang yesterday to Jusco BM and watched 1911 :DD

This movie's awesome!! :DD

You should try it :3 My mum used to (still do) tell me that we should watch special effect movies in cinemas. It's more worth it. I mean, why put movies that peropl only TALK in and it's funny when you can buy a CD and plug it into ur PC at home right? Cinemas have the right effects for movies like --->1911
Ate oreo MCflurry in McDs... Talk abit about the problems haunting us. Sheesh. That idiot. Which I reffered to as "socks" in my last post was DAMN ANNOYING and treat me like I'm her soft toy or something. Easy to throw and easy to take back. Let me tell those people that fight back with me, support my brother and do things that hurt me. I will NEVER let you go. And if you scold me and I keep quiet, it's even worse than if I shout back at you. Coz if I don't even TALK to you. It means my crazy-become-a-heartless-beast meter is going higher. /.\ And if it errupts alot of people will very LITERALLY die.
Ok. Now I'm gonna post a video of my favourtie best time ever video-ist!

Hahahahaha :DD This is not for the weak hearted and the oh-I-am-such-a-good-Malaysian people. -.- If you want to insult him. Insult somehwere else and NOT on m blog. I respect him. Coz he is daring enough to stick up for what's right. Whoever that put up with useless people are just hypocrites. ACTING like you like them. ACTING like you care. A bit like socks towards me :)) I think. Even I don;t know whether socks actually do like me specially or not :/
Hm anyways, there'e a guy at mcD that is damn um.... retarded -.- I was walking pass and I though I heard someone calling me. Not by name of course. And when I turned, it was an indonesian/malay or something (No, I'm not insulting indonesians OR malays, just the guy). And he was like, "你很美"   
I was like, walking away and showing no emotion. But inside I was like, "wtf??" Why are there so many retarded guys out there but so little nice guys -.-
I hope when I go back, things well get better :')
kthxbai :3
thxforreading! 
Teehee!---> Ryan Higa xD

EXAM's OVER!!!! WHEEE!!!!!

  Phew... I didn't like, update my blog for ever so long coz I'm damnnnn busy with my finals. yes, I'm a dork and actually STUDY for my finals. But hey, people with big ambitions must work harder right? xD Neways, part of studying hard is to excel in the subjects that people hope for me to excel on :DD Let's just hope I don't fail in my Geo and Math.... :p
Hm... Things are pretty much the same. You can't really be happy for a long time. Currently, I'm even more confused. But I don't really care. NO! I haven't become a goody two shoes -.- That's for bitches that don't understand the meaning of life. Hm.... Can say I became more understanding in love. Hey! If you don't love me, there's nothing stopping me from loving you right? They call it tepuk tangan sebelah, I call them to shut the fuck up :DD (kindly excuse my bad language if any teachers are reading :D Yes, I know that you are reading ^^)
 Hm... I realise that there are some bitches out there that LOVEEE to think they are all that and act as thought there are higher than you and with their holier-than-thou attitudes. It makes me sick -.- Please, just PLEASE with this totally stupid attitude. Just because you got more clothes and shoes that some of the others, doesn't mean you are ABOVE others. Hey, seriously... if you BOTHERED to ask me, I will tell you straight in the face that NO ONE likes you and they are just faking so that you will quit BUGGING them. But I know that people like you don't bother looking around you coz even YOU know that if you do, you won't ever like what you see :)) Well, I pity you for having a life where EVERYONE around you is not true to you, it's just that you NEVER bother to change, NEVER bother to look and CONTINUE to act as though you are all that -.- You'll never find real happiness, coz everyone around you is just LYING, FAKING and are HYPOCRITING. Follow your attitude :DD
Okay, enough about bitches :DD They waste my breath and finger energy :)) Hm... Currently, my mood is bad and good bad and good. I seriously don't understand -.- Yeah, i like that person I'll name that person, "socks". Socks seriously don't respect anyone -.- INCLUDING ME. I mean, socks has a lot of good qualities and socks is great and understands me but socks is NOT RESPECTFUL. Which is why I am pretty pissed of at socks. Socks don't even respect sock's own friends! Sheesh -.- And socks got the nerve to MOCK ME. If socks is reading this, then I;m telling you that I HATE and ABSOLUTLY HATE people mocking me.
And I guess that's all :)) OH! And I signed up for Y.E Club coz my friend ajak me. Y.E=Young Enterprise. Hm... Hope it's nice. 

Realisation :3

Today, I'm gonna write something that will sound absolutely CORNY! You can choose to read it or not. It's up to you entirely :))
I realised something the last few days of my life. I had been HAPPY. Something I haven't truly felt in a while. Why?
I decided to hurt the one I love the most, the one I will never hurt even if you wanna kill me.  It's weird. Suddenly, what I want is to make that person which I will temporarily name.... uh..... T-shirt?? LOL RANDOM :DD OK. The point is, I wanna make T-shirt feel what I am feeling. I know that if T-Shirt feel the same way about me like how I felt about T-shirt, T-shirt will hurt, will feel the pain. Will feel what was once MY pain.
It's weird really, it is caused by a simple thing T-Shirt did. What T-Shirt did I shall not say. The point is. Once I start thinking of hurting T-Shirt, I felt HAPPY! I felt light-hearted and feel like a kid that haven't been fighting for attention since her brother was born (no that I do it anymore, it's an utter waste of time -.-).
I started doing everything I can to hurt T-Shirt, avoiding, juling-ing, whatever-ing. Simple gestures that won't hurt anyone physically but EMOTIONALLY I had learnt since I was a kid that being hurt emotionally is always worse than being hurt physically. Which is why I am rather interested in physchology (I spelt physch... something wrong. I dunno the spelling sowie :DD) .
Anyways, it all lasted for about a week. This week, in fact. Maybe someone reading this. Probably T-Shirt is wan of them will perasan that it's them. Up to you to perasan all you want :DD I will never tell you who it really is anyway :3 But on Thursday, I decided to give up. And once I start thinking of giving up hurting T-Shirt, all the hurt came back. All the pain of losing T-Shirt, the pain of having high hopes and dropping all the way to the bottom again, the pain of leaving T-Shirt, every type of pain that was haunting me all this while at the back of my mind was back. Haunting me again.
Luckily, I am not really a coward. I can kinda control my feelings if I want to. And I WANT to. I wanna end all this madness. I mean, there's not much time left and I am wasting my time running away from hurt just so I can hurt the one I truly care about? (And maybe T-Shirt care for me as well. I'm not sure really) That is the only thing making me move on. The light glowing, even though lifelessly, but still glowing, in a pit of pure darkness.
So the corny thing is, (don't worry, it's short. er... for me that is :DD) making someone that  hurt you hurt, no matter who that person is. Even if that person is your enemy, it's the STUPIDEST, MOST CHILDISH THING ever. Do not ever do that. It will all end with regret. Why not save a bit of your time? Who CARES what people think? Even if they think that you are dumb and stupid for not hurting the people that hurt you before, think of yourself first. The people that teases you and urges you to fight is NOT you. The one that will end up regretting or hurting is NOT them. They only TALK. Coz if anyone that will end up being hurt, it's YOU and not THEM.
Sometimes, I realised it's actually good being a little eensey weensy bit discreet. I know any of my friends, teacher or the people that know me will go, " HAHA!! What do YOU know about discreet, you're the loudest most TALKATIVE and mindless SPEAKER in the WHOLE school!" Trust me dudes, or cikgus, or family.
IF I DIDN'T THINK BEFORE I TALK IN SCHOOL, WITH FRIENDS OR AT HOME. MOST OF THE ADULTS WILL GET A HEART ATTACK AND DIE ON THE SPOT WHILE I WILL PROBABLY HAVE 0 FRIENDS AND ENEMIES :DD
If you know the amount of things I shut up about, or why I always suddenly annouce "I'm damn emo" expecting comfort but letting my friends Kor and Vivian say that I am always emo. You will be surprised. You guys think I am hot tempered with a short fuse? Imagine. Try imagining right now friends, family, teachers whatever not Vanessa, happy and laughing and joking about how she don't know how to wear her bra. Not bad-rapper/horrible looking laugh Vanessa. Not tough and no nonsense Vanessa and not comforting Vanessa. Not complaining or idiotic or talking back kid. Imagine me sitting in a corner. Not reading or doing my revision. Pretending that I am. And CLENCHING my hands into fists, trying to stand the "nice" way everyone treats me sometimes, shutting my mouth and withstanding anger. To prevent heart attacks and anger.
OK. Stop that imagining. now, imagine me angry. Then, suddenly. Someone talks to me and POOF! Angry Van turns to Smiling Van!!!!! No one actually REALISES how emo I am sometimes :)) Can't blame you, I act fast :DD
The point is, shut up about some things sometimes, don't get yourself so mad at things that you don't really need to worry about. Chill. In the game of love, you have to be automatic. But sometimes, we should just float down the river of love and kill monsters only when you see one. With friends, shut up sometimes :DD Control your anger and you won't get any enemies. er... I'm not really sure if I have any enemies. anyone???? Please tell me why you hate me ya :3 I will listen. Dont' worry, I'm not the goody goody kid types that will call you to chill so much that you don't know how to stick up for yourself. If someone comes in front of you and go, 'Yo kid! Ever heard of fashion?" Don't stand there cowering away. Answer in a short and sarcastic way, "Yo! Ever heard of Listerine?" Or something like that :p Maybe a cooler way.
Hey. A little drama is good :DD It makes life richer :3 Sometimes, it's nice to have a little lawyer match with your friends or family or teachers :DD Keeps the world rotating :)
kthxbai :DD

Days... days... days

Time's passing so damn fast til it's a blur. I don't even know which grip to hold on now. There is none. None to stop me from jumping off a building or killing myself.
My life sucks I guess. Most teens say that. So I should say. Overall is not that bad. My class won the singing competition sempena Merdeka Day 2011. Was so happy :))
Everything will be perfect if that person is here. If that person didn't change. If that person didn't try to make me hate oneself. If I am not confused. Not confused about whether that person even LIKED me in the first place. Maybe I am just a bridge for that person to walk thru to reach another person. I am not that important. There are other people that that person def likes more than me. So what.
Hm... enough about "that person". Anyone reading this will probably wonder WHO that person (LOL) is. Well, it's the person I love most but never dare to tell. Care about most but never try to show it and the one that taught me that in this world, there is still a person that cares about me even if everyone backstabbs, lie and hates me.
Anyways. Congrats to all 2 sucians :DD you guys did damn great! Love you guys!! muah!! :33

Game?

Don't play games with me. Just because I trust you, doesn't mean you can betray me that easily.

If you choose to play a game with me. I will play along

If you try to make me feel guilt. You are failing

If you wanna make me surprised. Not so easy

You wanna scare me? You gonna end up scaring yourself

Anyone that betrays my trust.

I never forget. 

And I never let them go. 

I am me. 

And I'm not afraid of others trying to bully me.

Know what happens if you try to tease a panther?

The panther kills you

Soon, the smiling one isn't you

It's me, the panther :))

DON'T ever betray my trust. Anyone in my life

Time

I need time. I need time. I need time. I need time. I need time. I need time... time... time.
What do I do to get some time? If I have time. I will change a lot of things.
I broke up with my boyfriend Nicholas today. He was a great guy. And changed a lot of things. But I can't love him as much as he loved me. I'm not playing. I really like him. But I can't love him as much as he can. And I thank him very much. If he is reading this, for loving me so much. I really appreciate it.
Tomorrow is the start of school. I'm damn happy for that. This holiday is kinda disasterous. OK. But still disasterous... So. I don't know what to rite anymore. Can't wait til skul tomoro.
kthxbai :(

Things I want and like (part 2)

Grand piano....... I want!!! Ahahahahahaha
And

I want someone to love me. To truly love me. Never mind my flaws and badnesses and evility or whatever. I just want someone to love me for who I am. And not to love me because tey want to change me :))
kthxbai :DD

10 things i want and like

Okayy~ I damn love playing the piano. currently. I'm trying to play the song My Love will get you Home-Christine glass by ear. And I found this awesome pianist in Youtube named Ray Mak. Inspiration for piano @@
Here's one of my favourites from him :DD

And also... I wanna learn this... I love the song too! Skyscraper-Demi Lovato

So please subscribe him ya :DD xD
Owh... this is my favourite song currently :))

:)) And I still love Doraemon :DD

Hehe... I edited.. DAMN CUTE >< Last time I had a HUGE Doraemon. Til my mum went and gave it to someone. Not really her fault. I don't like Doraemon yet at that time :P
Owh! And I want this.

haha... RM299. I'm not so rich can afford an I-Phone 4 or 5. Unless it's China brand wan. xDD But I don't think my dad will get it for me. I mean, I just changed my hp for two years ><
And I promise I won't get another wan :P But I don't know if Samsung hp can last long :((
And.... HEADPHONES :DD

Okay, I'll admit that I'm like every single girl on the planet even though I try to not admit it. But I.LOVE.PINK :p I told my friends I hate pink >< xDD But I' starting to realise that pink is so meeee :DDD
I'm not gonna go for those things that I can't buy unless I earn lottery (I wish :)) So...I want this

JUICY COUTURE BAGGG IN BABY PINK!!!! (Pink again :PP)
So if I take the samsung corby, wear the pink headphones and grab my baby pink juicy couture bag :DD
I'll be the PINK lady xDD
Somemore!!!!

I RAWR! These high dunks :DDDDD
Owh... I'm planning to get these games soon BTW... :DD

You can buy them cheap :)) Not telling you guys where. ahahahahaha
LOL When Sims 3 do sex (WooHoo in Sims language) Flowers fly out xDD
Hm... Guess I only did 8 things. Nvmind! I'll post another two when I think bout it. xD

Get

There are sometimes, when humans try to get something they will never get. Find something that is impossible to find. trust something that hurt them again and again. That's me :)) I'm a human too :DD
Some people always forgot I have feelings too though :))
Things are pretty darn weird these few days. I signed up to do a Kemerdekaan deco thingy for a competition that my school MIGHT win. Me, wang, Emily, Siva, Kirthana, Megan, Amelia, Jasmeeth and my two teachers. Pn. ashikin and Pn. Norizawati got together and did all the banners for the school. There are some few other form 1s that did the bunga raya :)) Thumbs up for all of them! :DD
We got all chatty during this period of time :)) I'm darn happy xD You won't believe how many interesting things we talk about! haha.
Hope we can do this again sometime :))
Holidays are here. ahahahhaa....
As usual. I'm pretty dang miserable :DD No one shalt know why.... xD Only some people know.
Today, I did something unexpected. I told my feelings to someone with the species that I never trust. IE: Adults. Hm... Weird. I never thought I can trust adults anymore :)) But I don't know if I can trust her. Yet.
Any ideas on how to spend my holiday? Please give your opinions. PLEASE. xD
I'm really desperate
I'm gonna end my post with a SELAMAT HARI RAYA and MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN to all my friends, teachers and their families! Have a HAPPY HOLIDAY!! :DD

Enjoy :))
kthxbai :DD

Hurt

I love this song... But sometimes, I wish that love will get me home. I try and try to love. But at last, i et dissapointment.

People in my life, my family. They never always support what I do. Every moment I'm at home. I'm in a war. I'm fighting against my family's insults on me. Now, they are nothing to me. Just feather light pricks on my soul. Only my parents can really make me cry now. They aren't the understanding mother that hugs you and tell you that things are gonna be alright. Since I'm small, I'm all on my own. I need to comfort myself.
Currently, I think I will be crazy one day. The person I love is confusing. And I wish I know what that person is thinking >< It hurts alot. But that person will never know. Coz I am not gonna tell. Ever. Maybe one day that person will realise. When I die or something.
School is the only place where I am happy. Not completely. But it's the place where I hope. Where I can see light. No, I don't confide my secrets to everyone. But I'm an extrovert. I feel better and stronger around people. That's why, I will never cry in school. Nothing will make me drop a tear there. Only at home will my tears fall. But as time passes. Even the tears are harder to fall. Maybe coz I'm so used to it that even if I wanna cry, no tears come out.
Life hurts. But no one knows. Coz around everyone, I act. I act happy in front of my friends. I act toughie in front of my teachers. I act feelingless in front of my family. That's mostly what I do in life. How good isit. I always wish that one day, Someone will come and hug me. Hold me in his/her arms and ask me to cry and tell out all my feelings. and maybe that person will be able to accept me for who I am and not what he/she wants me to be. That's all I want. Soemone who understands me and love me for who I am. Who accepts me. Wo can HUG me. I always have a special love for those who hug me :)) Specially female. Probably coz my mum never hug me. Note: NO. I AM NOT A LESBIAN -__-
Have you ever watched movies? Specially chinese dramas. Where people hang on to cliffs for dear life. I feel like that everyday. I am hurt most by that person. By that person that I have no reason to love. And everyday, I feel like I am trying to get up the cliff so that that person will see me. But everyday, someone will come along and kick my hands. So, I will fall. Almost. But I still managed to hang on, til today. One day, if my soul continue to shatter for that person. Maybe I'll finally fall down the cliff. The my life might not be so miserable anymore. But that person will never know what I feel. People tell me that person feels the same way bout me. But I'm confused, scared. And annoyed by my family who is never supportive on what I have done. But they don't know that whenever I wanna go to school or meet my friends. It's coz I'm tired of feeling so pressured at home all the time. Do a little bit wrong, I get scolded.I am happy around my friends, when I help out at school. When I talk. When i go to school. I don't feel so pressured then. evben though there is always something that hurts me there. But at least I get to feel that person's prescence. It's enough for me.
I really hope one day someone will understand me. I really hope one day someone will hug me and tell me it's alright. I hope someone will one day love me for who I am. I hope that one day someone will tell every family member of mine how I feel. 

It hurts, but it can be hidden

  Sometimes, I don't know what is it I did wrong. I mean, I'm not perfect! And I'm not the good-est kid on earth. And I know i'm a bad daughter, student, friend, and even girlfren to everyone. But can't you guys give me a break? I'm a fourteen year old teenager that needs some hugs, a few words of comfort and advice. And an allowance. Is it so damn hard to friggin give a HUG??? Or spend like, 5 minutes just to ask me, "how's ur day?"
  And YOU!!!! Who the hell do you freakin think you are??? Don't think you can treat me as a toy and throw me away when I get boring and old! So?? You don't like, tell me! Don't act as though the whole world is yours! Hey! You're not perfect too! Don't act as though you are all that! I love you to bits. And I can only love coz love is the only thing I can give. I don't expect your love back!!! Just don't act as though you don't friggin know me!
  I really feel like screaming so loud that all glasses on earth will break. But no sound comes out, I can hear it, only me. Coz I'm screaming in terror and pain inside. my subconcious is screaming and wondering why no one comes and tell me it's okay. That they will be with me, that I don't need to be afraid so long as they are here. Of COURSE no one does that! Who am I to the people around me? The moody rebellious teen that has no feeling. The weird student that doesn't do her homework, fights back and a stubborn kid. The friend that is scared of nothing, that goes first when something goes wrong, that comforts when someone is sad, that never seems to be moody for long. The strong and no nonsense kid. Never cries before in the many years of school life.
  That's the freakin impression I give everyone!WHY DO I FREAKIN DO THAT??! I do things, I secretly follow the instructions of people. I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT COMES INTO MY LIFE. Why is it SO hard to get someone to love me back???
  I try to look pathetic and miserable in front of everyone. I can't do it. I wanna just let go and cry in front of my frens and let them comfort me. Many times, I feel like crying. I'm just holding them back. Coz I'm egoistic, coz I know they will be dying to know wt happened and it's a complicated story, coz I know if a teacher see, the story will go to my aunt and reach my parents and my WHOLE family. THEN I have to explain to THEM as well. They won't understand. And at last, they will scold me for not telling, and I'll have to force myself not to cry again. WTF????????
  There are times where I wonder if people really care? Or they just do coz they need me for something.

Love to some is nothing

Coz they already have everything they want

But love to me is a priceless treasure

It's the only thing I have

To give, and hardly to take.

Unexpected

Sometimes, it's easy to smile and let it go... :))
But sometimes, it's hard to control your feelings. Damn hard. But who knows right? Everyone will only think you as the happy and tough friend, the kid that talk back and is cheeky, the daughter that is the most annoying, bad and rebellious. :D
Like I care right? it's kinda easy, like having a mind of my own. I mean, it's like retreating into your own little world, knowing that no one, nothing, and nobody can hurt you there
Yet sometimes, when I bring along all my grief and pain, it tortures me inside. To prevent it from going outside and torturing others. I may seem moody and such. But I found out that smiling and laughing helps alot. Even if you don't mean it. Even if every smile you give hurts. But it's better than being miserable.
Hm... I'l try being more happier. Maybe I can put on a good act in front of my mum and dad. I just have to try I guess. Thet don't understand when I ell them I'm miserable. And I don't wnana tell them why I am miserable. And if I don't smile cause there's nothing to be smiled bout. They expect me to. I asked them once, if they want me to smile even though I'm getting beaten to death, or rolled over by a car. And they said yes.
Told ya they made me strong. It's coz of them being totally oblivious to my feelings that made me strong. Don't tell them --" they don't understand --" I tried....
:)) Lost a friend BTW. Hm.. Maybe I shouldn't consider her as a friend anymore...

Happened

Kay... I'll start from..... Tuesday
Tuesday
Went with friends out to Sunway and watched....

YESH! The movie was damn cool :] The effects are :D And after that, we searched for a prezzie for Kor and Erica's many friends. Vivian tagged along too :) It was a fun day. Lee pinjam-ed me her tank top. :D I like it ;]
Wednesday
Club in the morning. We learnt to make crepe flowers. Credits to our teacher Ms. Pam :D I chose purple :) I think it went okay... I'm gonna do more! xD 
Then, later that afternoon. We INJECTION! I'm damn SCARED!!! But I act hero lar... As usual xD. Not really pain when inject. But til now, bengkak and touch little bit oso pain T.T WHY???????? Sleep oso hard, play oso hard, eat oso hard, BATHE SO DAMN HARD!!!!! ><
Later that evening pula, we cook! HEHR! So FUN~! My mum never cooks... so... not really interested in it. But cooking with friends is FUN! I keep act 38 and snatch people's stuff and jobs to do xD Vivian is like a mom./ Scold people and teaching people how to cook. She's the iron chef. hahahahahah
Thursday
Nothing much la....
kthxbai :]

Smile =]

Today

You smiled =D 

And I was so damn happy =]

YAY!

ahahahaha xD

kthxbai :]

But I won't hope too much 

Coz I might get dissapointed again... ='[

Will I?

I'm confused.

Far, far away

Today

I avoided you

Instead of you doing it to me

Hope you know how I feel whenever you do that

It's hard to hurt you

But since you want it that way

I have to do it

Just to make you happy

Whenever I walk away

It feels like an electric shock

Something's telling me not to do it

But I did coz we are the same

We act as though nothing happened

You know something happened

I realised too

But no one wants to say anything

Hm

Some fun =[

But

You ignore me

Doesn't mean I'll ignore you

I'm a stubborn kid

You should know

And if I wanna do something

I can =D

Hehe ^^

I'll have fun making you smile again =D

Regret

I never regretted for meeting you

Coz you made me smile

Pull me out from the deepest and darkest depressions and holes

Shine me a path of light when I can't find my way out

Lend me a hand when everyone hates me

You made me realise that there is still someone that cares

And that I can do it, and needn't care what the hell other people think

You showed me how to smile and be strong when everybody hates, ignores or anything bad happens

That's why I am choosing

And let's just hope my choice is right =']

Thanks a lot

You left me a miracle, a sweet memory and a happy past.

Used to it~

Mixing in the crowd. I don't think much when I am laughing and talking about random stuffs. Yet, I know that once I stop, I'll feel the sadness again. I'm getting used to it. Talking to my friend. It's always about you. I never talk much currently. Because I know it's no use. Sometimes, there are some things that people will never understand. And I can bear with it alone. It's getting easier each day. But that does not mean the hurt get any less. It's just because I'm used to it. 

I can trust anyone last time. Now? It's hard. Every single person that I trust either push me away or back stab me. It hurts. My friend asks me to give it some time. You'll get around. Give it a chance. But even she's starting to get second doubts now. Always feel like crying whenever I see you or talk about you to my friend. But I never cry. Why? I'm egoistical and people said to me that I look ugly before. Crying is one of the things I never do nowadays. not even to myself. I force myself not to. It gets easier. And this act is a freakin stupid weakness. I don't do stupid.

Seeing you in the distance hurts, I feel helpless. I can't do anything. Stupidly helpless. Yet, I know I don't love you that way. I love you like a person that I will care because it's my duty. No one knows and realises. They all think i'm weird. Probably. I'm used to people ditching me. I miss their loving and caring. But, I can live without it. I can live without anyone to love and anyone loving me. I can do it. And I will. Even if you don't love me anymore or you don't want me to depend on you. Let me tell you this. My life ain't dead without you. I can still live. I am a loner and never depend on ANYONE to live. The walls around me make sure that no one gets close enough to my heart. You are the nearest, still is. And somehow, you are the one that can make me happy even though I am in my saddest, most depressing and grievous moments. You managed to make me smile and laugh. Everytime.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should be sad about you or not. When I am sad, I wonder whether am I supposed to be. Coz there are probably other people out there sadder than me. My grief is probably nothing compared to theirs. It's confusing sometimes... GRR ><! My feelings are guilt, coz I probably don't have hak to be sad. Sad, coz you are avoiding me. I'm not stupid dude -__- I know. And you are making it so freakin obvious. And I'm trying not to cry, and show my sadness at the same time. And i have to worry about the typical things that a teen worry about. I sometimes wonder if I should just kill myself and end these confusion.

Why I didn't do that yet? It's coz I don't have kelayakan to do it. I'm not the most kesian person in the world. Even though no one really cares, I still get to eat, have clothes to wear, have money to spend everyday. My friend told me to do things for yourself and not others. At first, I told her I'm used to it. Then, I realised that doing things for people is what I do for myself. As long as people are a bit proud of me, I'm happy. As long as people are aware of my existence, I'm glad. Even though my family mostly praises my brother (EVERYBODY always praises my brother) and they say I am jealous. I'm tired of telling them I'm not. No one really believes me. So I let them say I am without saying anything. And if they criticises me. I'm used to taking it as a compliment and smiling at them saying, "thanks for the compliment". I smile a lot or turn my face away. So they thought I'm okay with it and continue doing it, not knowing it hurts. I let them do it coz I wanna train myself to be able to look anyone STRAIGHT in the eye and not give a fuck wat they say about me. Not crying. Not showing my hurt. Not even hurting. It's hard to surprise or make me sad, coz I'm kinda used to it as well.

kthxbai :[ Thts all I can say to you. If you're reading it.

My fav song...

I love this coz it's the song that makes me feel..... hm... i'm nt sure

Distance

Can only see you in the distance,

Always holding back,

Never getting close to you

Know you'll never love me back

Looking wistfully hoping things will get better,

It doesn't 

And it will never get better

The more further away the distance of the hearts

The harder the pain is to be bear

Do you know? 

Hate is the strongest feeling in the same lines as love

And making me hate you

Won't make me forget you, ignore you, or get on with my life.

Some things you all wanna know bout me?

a) I'm NOT lesbian

b) I have NO grudges against bisexuals

c) I never have any feelings

d) If I hate someone, I will hate that person til very bad

e) If I love a person, I will love even though that person hates and try to push me away

f) If I cry, (I tak pernah cry in school) it means something is very VERY wrong

g) If I do something to hurt you, it means I have a reason for doing so

h) I love you, not as what you think I love you for. But of the love that I seldom and rarely experienced. Further details? Ask Wang Sei Sei

i) Wang Sei Sei won't tell you if you ask her =D unless I say so =)

j) I'm sick of you avoiding me or whatever fcuk you are doing. What's your FCUKING problem>>????

How I wish that you can love me the same way I love you... =]

Feelings in video

These are my feelings in video:
I love you no matter if you are the dumbest and most heartless person on earth

Yet, sometimes... i wish

When I met you, you're the one that

I'll

Do you know?

When you push me away, I freakin wish

Who do you think you are? I'm a human as much as you are

I can't push you away, Why can you? How? Teach me

So...

....:] Conclusion? I can live without anyone in my life. But my life will be empty without you telling me what is love =]
But I know...

So, this song is for you =]

And I'll pray for you everyday, just so you are happy... 
kthxbai =']

Trip to Butterfly Farm

Okay, no time to be emo. I just wanna tell bout this trip. THEN i'll think about being emo =]
Taking pics are fun. Enough to take my mind away from emo stuff for a day ^^

It's... uhh doing things that a normal butterfly will do xD

Here are the pics =DD

I like this butterfly =] One of my favourites.

TARANTULAAAAA!!!!! XD

That's my bro's hand. He's shaking like hell and damn scared. LOL

Nice riteee??? I mean the butterfly =D

I damn love this. My mum saw and was like, WAH! so nice! take a pic of it. =] I

This is me =] DUH~ I look like a girl with wings protruding outta my back ><

This is a Malaysian Giant Millepede :3

Er... I think it's called a... um. I forgot. xD

Look like pearls :D
I enjoyed this trip~

I totally enjoyed this trip! The butterflies are all around. I was scared at first. But after a while, it was OK =]

Anyways, my mum saw a butterfly somewhere on our trip. And she wantd to take a pic of it. But she was yelling excitedly that the butterfly flew away =D HAHA. Too excited

All in all, this is a time where I really took all the pics that I wanted. These are the few ones that I loved most. Hope you like it :D

kthxbai~ =]