Questions

Some people ask, "what did I do to deserve this shit?" And they ask everyone. Saying how good they are and the contributions she made. All this time, they don't know people are snickering behind her and saying, " you think you so great? everyone don't like you!"
Just a piece of advice. This is what my dad always says to me. If one person complains about you, he has a problem. If everyone complains bout you. Then YOU have problems. Before you blame the whole world for what they've done to you, think of what you had done first. In the first place, do you treat people like shit? Do you say things that they don't understand? Do you brag about things that you don't even do? If you do, then that's the freakin reason everyone hates and complains and shun you from their lives.
Everyone deserves a chance, and you will have gotten many chances to. Some of this type of people (including me) blew their chances away.
Me, I'm not perfect, nor am I good in anything. But, I do not brag, or tells people stuff they don't understand. I don't tell people how good I am. And I hope they are okay with me. My friends, and family and stuff. Sometimes, I DO brag. Jokingly. Like I would say something like, "I'm gonna marry the prince, and be richer than anyone else! hahahahaha!!" Then, I will be like "jking lar... dun so serious xD" 
The thing is... I know my faults. Just that, I don't change much. And do you know? Those people that have a strong feeling bout me, or have high hopes on me. They get all dissapointed. And I feel pressured. And I'll be like, " why do everyone have so high hopes on me?" Just to tell them, that everytime I feel you guys's dissapointment (etc. my teachers, parents, family, friends), I feel really really sad. All my life I've been trying to make people happy with me for once. And they'll say something like, "Good job Vanessa!" But that rarely happens. Coz no matter how hard I do something, I don't succeed. And people end up dissapointed. Again. haix~
Anyways, to the people that wonder why they got hated and complained, lets just say there's something you have to change inside of you. And you need time to make people trust and love you. Gambateh =] 

This is my current favourite song... also what
I think of when I'm sad... That everbody hurts, and it's okay to be afraid
When I think that, I'm stronger =]

And this song is for you =] I damn wish you were here~
I'm a big fan of Avril now... Coz she expresses all my feelings in her songs =]

Thoughts~zzz

I had a thought yesterday. It's kinda weird, I'm thinking of wishing to God a few seconds before I die to have the nest life the same as this. Which is kinda weird, coz you would think I wanna be richer, and have parents that spoil and care about everything, and do not have any problems, and I have whatever Iphone or Ipad or whatever hell they have at the markets. 
But, what I want is a life like what I am now. I mean, I don't know what will happen in the future, but my fourteen years of life had taught me a lot. Teaching me to control my emotions, stand on my own feet (well, except chores... I'm DAMN lazy xD) and be strong. In my life, there are a lot of people that had appeared to help me when there are problems I can't solve. There are also some people that I love so much and made a great impact in my life. And some bitches and morons that I made sure they dun go all bitchy or annoying on me. As for my problems, well, they taught me that everything and every problem is a challenge from God. And life is a game. As long as there is a problem, there will be a way out. You know the game at www.poptropica.com? There are adventures on every island, but there are ways to win the challenges they give you. As long as you don't give up. Life is kinda like that, except life is harder. 
Today, I had another thought. Maybe, in my past life. I had the same thought as now. Before I die, I might have wished to God for a life like what i have now. Which is weird, coz that thought just floated in my mind. I have doubts about thins wish, coz I might die early, (touch wood) or have a shitty marriage (touch wood) or accidently killed someone (touch woodS). But so far, my fourteen years are nice =] So, let's just hope God heard me XD