It's alright to be the one to bear the burden, to stand the jeers, to walk the plank and bear with the hate.
But it is never right to get branded as "annoying".
Take it this way, you love your friends like hell. You would do anything for them. Sacrifice classes, egos, and happiness. You do everything you can for them. Be a friend, sister, mother (yes, sounds old but it's true.) or even a listener that sits for hours listening to nonsensical crap and telling you back some of my own nonsensical crap. Stick up for them, agree with everything, bash up that person that makes them cry.
And at the end of the day, no one comes to you even when you are so hurt you could just throw yourself down from a freaking high building. You know why? This is because everyone thinks I am titanium, a hard boulder, an android that has no feelings because I never show an inch of sadness in front of them. Just because I don't cry like you people, doesn't mean I am feelingless!
It isn't easy ya know, being the fire extinguisher or the middle person. I have to make so many parties happy, agree with anything and never utter a single word when you guys say no to anything I've suggested. Did you guys notice that? Seems not. Why? Cause everyone again thinks I don't mind. Because I never say a single thing against your decisions. I agree with everyone and leave it to you guys to discuss whether you want this, that or the other or not. What else do I have to do? I've comforted everyone I can. Do you want me to go on my bended knees and beg you guys? All I want is to have everyone happy and talking with each other on the day of the competition. But no, everyone doesn't see that. They see me as a betrayer, a stupid person, an idiotic person that has NO right to be angry or sad or I will be scorned at.
I can't break down, cannot cry, cannot make a face. Once, when you guys suddenly choose a different thing and told me at the last minute. I was pissed. But when I show a bit of displeasure I got shouted at. At last? I gritted my teeth and worked it out. At that time, I was bad mooded too! I was sick and on meds with a sleepy situation. Did anyone ask what's wrong? NO! They only noticed that I was bad mooded. No wrong on their part. only wrong on my part because I was bad mooded.
Ever noticed that when you guys are in bad moods, you have people backing you up. Supporters, consolers, including me! What happened when I was mad, when I was hurt? Everyone talks behind my back. Now you guys have the guts to call me a betrayer?! Who is the betrayer?
When I'm in a bad mood, I can't shout or breakdown. Coz I know if I do, everyone will breakdown with me! I've withstood your ever-changing moods, rude words and ignorance for so long. If I have to stand another minute of this I will burst out and become one of those demented people!
There, I've spitted everything I felt out. Now everyone will probably hate me because as I said, I CANNOT complain! I am supposed to be the stupid android girl that plans, does, asks, and hated. The middle fire extiguisher. But I don't care, at least I don't talk behind your backs, I tell you straight in the faces. At least I don't call YOU a betrayer. And at least I did not shout it to your faces.
That's all I can say, and thanks a lot to my friend Wang today. Without her, I would probably have a breakdown, meltdown and jump right off the balcony.
There. Say what you want about me now I don't mind.
