Regret

I never regretted for meeting you

Coz you made me smile

Pull me out from the deepest and darkest depressions and holes

Shine me a path of light when I can't find my way out

Lend me a hand when everyone hates me

You made me realise that there is still someone that cares

And that I can do it, and needn't care what the hell other people think

You showed me how to smile and be strong when everybody hates, ignores or anything bad happens

That's why I am choosing

And let's just hope my choice is right =']

Thanks a lot

You left me a miracle, a sweet memory and a happy past.

Used to it~

Mixing in the crowd. I don't think much when I am laughing and talking about random stuffs. Yet, I know that once I stop, I'll feel the sadness again. I'm getting used to it. Talking to my friend. It's always about you. I never talk much currently. Because I know it's no use. Sometimes, there are some things that people will never understand. And I can bear with it alone. It's getting easier each day. But that does not mean the hurt get any less. It's just because I'm used to it. 

I can trust anyone last time. Now? It's hard. Every single person that I trust either push me away or back stab me. It hurts. My friend asks me to give it some time. You'll get around. Give it a chance. But even she's starting to get second doubts now. Always feel like crying whenever I see you or talk about you to my friend. But I never cry. Why? I'm egoistical and people said to me that I look ugly before. Crying is one of the things I never do nowadays. not even to myself. I force myself not to. It gets easier. And this act is a freakin stupid weakness. I don't do stupid.

Seeing you in the distance hurts, I feel helpless. I can't do anything. Stupidly helpless. Yet, I know I don't love you that way. I love you like a person that I will care because it's my duty. No one knows and realises. They all think i'm weird. Probably. I'm used to people ditching me. I miss their loving and caring. But, I can live without it. I can live without anyone to love and anyone loving me. I can do it. And I will. Even if you don't love me anymore or you don't want me to depend on you. Let me tell you this. My life ain't dead without you. I can still live. I am a loner and never depend on ANYONE to live. The walls around me make sure that no one gets close enough to my heart. You are the nearest, still is. And somehow, you are the one that can make me happy even though I am in my saddest, most depressing and grievous moments. You managed to make me smile and laugh. Everytime.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should be sad about you or not. When I am sad, I wonder whether am I supposed to be. Coz there are probably other people out there sadder than me. My grief is probably nothing compared to theirs. It's confusing sometimes... GRR ><! My feelings are guilt, coz I probably don't have hak to be sad. Sad, coz you are avoiding me. I'm not stupid dude -__- I know. And you are making it so freakin obvious. And I'm trying not to cry, and show my sadness at the same time. And i have to worry about the typical things that a teen worry about. I sometimes wonder if I should just kill myself and end these confusion.

Why I didn't do that yet? It's coz I don't have kelayakan to do it. I'm not the most kesian person in the world. Even though no one really cares, I still get to eat, have clothes to wear, have money to spend everyday. My friend told me to do things for yourself and not others. At first, I told her I'm used to it. Then, I realised that doing things for people is what I do for myself. As long as people are a bit proud of me, I'm happy. As long as people are aware of my existence, I'm glad. Even though my family mostly praises my brother (EVERYBODY always praises my brother) and they say I am jealous. I'm tired of telling them I'm not. No one really believes me. So I let them say I am without saying anything. And if they criticises me. I'm used to taking it as a compliment and smiling at them saying, "thanks for the compliment". I smile a lot or turn my face away. So they thought I'm okay with it and continue doing it, not knowing it hurts. I let them do it coz I wanna train myself to be able to look anyone STRAIGHT in the eye and not give a fuck wat they say about me. Not crying. Not showing my hurt. Not even hurting. It's hard to surprise or make me sad, coz I'm kinda used to it as well.

kthxbai :[ Thts all I can say to you. If you're reading it.

My fav song...

I love this coz it's the song that makes me feel..... hm... i'm nt sure

Distance

Can only see you in the distance,

Always holding back,

Never getting close to you

Know you'll never love me back

Looking wistfully hoping things will get better,

It doesn't 

And it will never get better

The more further away the distance of the hearts

The harder the pain is to be bear

Do you know? 

Hate is the strongest feeling in the same lines as love

And making me hate you

Won't make me forget you, ignore you, or get on with my life.

Some things you all wanna know bout me?

a) I'm NOT lesbian

b) I have NO grudges against bisexuals

c) I never have any feelings

d) If I hate someone, I will hate that person til very bad

e) If I love a person, I will love even though that person hates and try to push me away

f) If I cry, (I tak pernah cry in school) it means something is very VERY wrong

g) If I do something to hurt you, it means I have a reason for doing so

h) I love you, not as what you think I love you for. But of the love that I seldom and rarely experienced. Further details? Ask Wang Sei Sei

i) Wang Sei Sei won't tell you if you ask her =D unless I say so =)

j) I'm sick of you avoiding me or whatever fcuk you are doing. What's your FCUKING problem>>????

How I wish that you can love me the same way I love you... =]

Feelings in video

These are my feelings in video:
I love you no matter if you are the dumbest and most heartless person on earth

Yet, sometimes... i wish

When I met you, you're the one that

I'll

Do you know?

When you push me away, I freakin wish

Who do you think you are? I'm a human as much as you are

I can't push you away, Why can you? How? Teach me

So...

....:] Conclusion? I can live without anyone in my life. But my life will be empty without you telling me what is love =]
But I know...

So, this song is for you =]

And I'll pray for you everyday, just so you are happy... 
kthxbai =']

Trip to Butterfly Farm

Okay, no time to be emo. I just wanna tell bout this trip. THEN i'll think about being emo =]
Taking pics are fun. Enough to take my mind away from emo stuff for a day ^^

It's... uhh doing things that a normal butterfly will do xD

Here are the pics =DD

I like this butterfly =] One of my favourites.

TARANTULAAAAA!!!!! XD

That's my bro's hand. He's shaking like hell and damn scared. LOL

Nice riteee??? I mean the butterfly =D

I damn love this. My mum saw and was like, WAH! so nice! take a pic of it. =] I

This is me =] DUH~ I look like a girl with wings protruding outta my back ><

This is a Malaysian Giant Millepede :3

Er... I think it's called a... um. I forgot. xD

Look like pearls :D
I enjoyed this trip~

I totally enjoyed this trip! The butterflies are all around. I was scared at first. But after a while, it was OK =]

Anyways, my mum saw a butterfly somewhere on our trip. And she wantd to take a pic of it. But she was yelling excitedly that the butterfly flew away =D HAHA. Too excited

All in all, this is a time where I really took all the pics that I wanted. These are the few ones that I loved most. Hope you like it :D

kthxbai~ =]