This is my current favourite song... also what
I think of when I'm sad... That everbody hurts, and it's okay to be afraid
When I think that, I'm stronger =]

And this song is for you =] I damn wish you were here~
I'm a big fan of Avril now... Coz she expresses all my feelings in her songs =]

Thoughts~zzz

I had a thought yesterday. It's kinda weird, I'm thinking of wishing to God a few seconds before I die to have the nest life the same as this. Which is kinda weird, coz you would think I wanna be richer, and have parents that spoil and care about everything, and do not have any problems, and I have whatever Iphone or Ipad or whatever hell they have at the markets. 
But, what I want is a life like what I am now. I mean, I don't know what will happen in the future, but my fourteen years of life had taught me a lot. Teaching me to control my emotions, stand on my own feet (well, except chores... I'm DAMN lazy xD) and be strong. In my life, there are a lot of people that had appeared to help me when there are problems I can't solve. There are also some people that I love so much and made a great impact in my life. And some bitches and morons that I made sure they dun go all bitchy or annoying on me. As for my problems, well, they taught me that everything and every problem is a challenge from God. And life is a game. As long as there is a problem, there will be a way out. You know the game at www.poptropica.com? There are adventures on every island, but there are ways to win the challenges they give you. As long as you don't give up. Life is kinda like that, except life is harder. 
Today, I had another thought. Maybe, in my past life. I had the same thought as now. Before I die, I might have wished to God for a life like what i have now. Which is weird, coz that thought just floated in my mind. I have doubts about thins wish, coz I might die early, (touch wood) or have a shitty marriage (touch wood) or accidently killed someone (touch woodS). But so far, my fourteen years are nice =] So, let's just hope God heard me XD  

Same old... Same old..

Today, i trailed Ms. Pam for 15 min. Halfway, Pn. Bibi want me to do some errands for her. so me and Emily RAN up and RAN down and RAN up again. But it's okay, I sweated like hell, so good for kesihatan! XDD

If you are there and saw me trailing after Ms. Pam you will laugh like hell. I followed her, then I casually ask, "teacher, what are you doing?" She was actually, er... pouring mineral water into a plant. er.... okay... she's being kind... um... yeah.

Anyways, she KNEW I was following her. Either she don't know that she can shout, "I FOUND YOU VANESSA! YOU HAVE TO REDO!!!!! XDDD!" Or she sengaja dun wanna let me fail. So, when I asked her what is she doing, she's like, "uh.... I'm siraming, no menyiram.." She never finished that sentence coz I was like, "What?? WHAT??? How you KNOW???" And Emily was laughing her guts out... And I was so bewildered~ Then I was like, laughing too... and we ran away. The, I asked for Ms. Pam's signature. And she said thank you. and I was like, " shouldn't I be the one saying thank you?" And she was still saying thank you. Weird. I like it ^^ Just like me XDDDD

Yesterday, our whole thing came out in News Straits Times! Our whole project. In Niexter. When I brought it to school, my peeps were so happy. They ended up crumpling my paper -_- But luckily, my parents bought another wan. LOL And I was hugging the paper during perhimpunan. xDD Sayang la! they CRUMPLED IT. 

Still, I'm damn happy that my friends were so happy. =D

Tomorrow is sports' day. I was supposed to be taking pics. And my teacher originally said she wanna pinjam me her camera. But she was sick. and I only hope she get well soon. Take care =]

BTW, if you're wondering why i am trailing after a teacher, it's for Pandu Puteri second exam. you have to follow a person for 15 minutes. That's one of the tests. But you gotta ask permission first. And don't worry. I did =] So don't get scared thinking I'm a stalker or anything. LOL

The all stupid me

Have you ever felt so hurt? That when you try to cry, no tears come out?
And your heart feels like it's burst, and floated away leaving you painful?
Have you ever, be the first one EVERY TIME apologising in a fight?
Did you ever, jejaskan your maruah to help a friend?
I have, and that makes me the dumbest person on earth.
Seriously, in a fight between you and your friend, both of you got wrongs. She can easily apologise to you. Yet, I choose to apologise first. Ain't I dumb? I never regret doing it, coz not talking to someone hurts. maybe notto my friends, but to me. And I can't bear to see another disapproving face. I get enough disapprovals everyday. Not with me friends too! I mean, school is the only place I'm really happy at. The problem is, I hate it that I'm this kind of person. I do NOT know why God created me like that. I'm stupid, ain't I?
Sometimes, I get lodged temporarily into a midst of depression. That  is when some of my friends totally stay away from me. They don't wanna help, they only need my help. That's what some of them are like. And when Im depressed, very little can please or make me happy. The whole world around me is darkness. Literally. Only when i step out of it, can i see sunlight or any light really brightly. And my heart feels like, I can't describe it. My soul is like floating away somewhere else. Only my empty shell of a body is moving.
Sometimes, I hate helping people. After I help them, they didn't even say thanks. That, I don't mind. but at least, don't leave me all alone. When you don't need me anymore. It's really hurting me. I don't show it. In fact, I hardly show anything much accept for joy. If I show, people will start nagging, adults will start fretting, people will start scolding. No thanks, I don't need the drama. Not many people can actually ask me to sit down and have a calming talk with me. Even my dad talks to me, but he makes me feel damn pressure sometimes. Coz he wants to let me know that only he is right. Most of the time...
And do you know? You are part of my soul, the thing that keeps me alive. Maybe you don't know how I feel. Like I said, not many people can feel what I'm really feeling. Only.. er.. none? xD Neways, if I could take out my heart, many people might feel surprised =] Even you... Just to let you now, yo're in my prayers everyday. And probably til the end of time. 
I know I said I would not write anything sad here anymore. But I don't care.
Just call me avenging angel.
kthxbai =]
Even heaven is hell without the one you love... so why bother?
~Moon~

This is not by me... I just ♥ this poem

一棵開花的樹 by 席慕蓉

--------------------------------------…

如何讓你遇見我 

在我最美麗的時刻 

為這 

我已在佛前求了五百年 

求佛讓我們結一段塵緣 

佛於是把我化做一棵樹 

長在你必經的路旁 

陽光下 

慎重地開滿了花 

朵朵都是我前世的盼望 

當你走近 

請你細聽 

那顫抖的葉 

是我等待的熱情 

而當你終於無視地走過 

在你身後落了一地的 

朋友啊 

那不是花瓣 

那是我凋零的心 

Stuffs...

There's nothing wrong with loving someone...
The only problem is
That person doesn't love you back
~Moon~

This post is mainly for the people that wanna know about me. My boyfriend, friends... Whatever

1) I get grouchy when you guys kacau me or wake me up when I'm sleeping. Obviously, my prefect friends knows that coz they tried. And I got mad =]

2) I want a Canon DSLR =]] And I'm sure Kor Shyn Lyn, Windy Wang, Vivian Yen and Janna will buy me one for my next birthday... RIGHT GUYS? XDD~

I RAWR this cammy ^^
3) I hate it when you guys tell me something. Then, knowing that I memang got ear problem and didn't hear you. Don't wanna tell me again >< Annoying tau!
4) The rest, figure it out yourself xD If you know me well... you will know what food I love to eat. Who is it that I pray for every nite. And etc. etc.
5) I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!! ^^

Btw, I LOVEEEE CUPIDO!!! 

Cutee rite =]]

Again I say... Holidays sucks... >< Never loved and never will. But this time, mum and dad tried their best to amuse us tho =] mice change from other holidays =D neways, I amuse myself with writing my blog... Annoying people... And, um... HAVING FUN ^^

I don't mind going the camp again =DD haha... And meet that huge balck spider I named... JET

Oh... I know I'm annoying and weird =] But I like it ^^ Better than you anyway... YES YOU!

I didn't draw for a while d... Proving my weirdness... I took a picture of pads... yes PADS that day... so that I cn draw the pattern and elaborate on it. I didn't draw yet. And my hp no batt so I asked for my mum's hp... She was like, "wtf??" kind of expression. lols =DD

Damn~ I like Choy Siew Wern's art. She draw real life stuff so nicee~ me jealous d... xD nola... But my drawing is only limited to abstract stuffs so... HAIX!

Can't wait til school reopens =] I'm DAMN BORED! ><

Anyone who reads this... happy holidays ^^ 

Prefects' camp 2011

Okay... this should be damn long. So, if you have the patience, read on! It'll be funny =p
Day 1
Reached school a little before 12 am. Teacher gave a bit of taklimat where we have to sign all our names. We were like, "WHY do we have to sign our names???" Even the teachers agree with us. Pretty much a waste of time... -__-
Then, we boarded the bus. We were supposed to leave at 12.30 am. But convent budaya. Half an hour later. xD
Boarding the bus is lame. Sitting down is FUN!! We were like, damn bising. And for the first time ever. The teachers didn't even scold us to keep our voices down =p Instead, En.A.Nanda joined some of the seniors at the back. causing everyone to laugh like hell. 
We stopped at a restroom on the way. We all charged into KFC. that is when things start getting irritating coz Wang started getting siao and I ran from her. XD 
Then, when we went into the bus again. I ate my burger and drank my drinks. I thought I might leave my cheesy wedges (yum) for later. But my "smart" fren Siva threw the kind of plastic tube thingy which has strawberry paste inside. that kind of sweet thingy. She ste it, sucked it. The whole thing is full of saliva. Then... she THREW it into the plastic bag with my cheesy wedges. She thought it's the rubbish bin TT I was like, ewww! Luckily, it din kena my wedges. But I immediately ate it so that no one can throw anything inside. Who knows, she might spit inside next ><
We reached there like, WAY past the time intended. I think bout 3 or 4 sumtin. We went into our dorms. (no aircon T.T the seniors rooms have tho... no fair)Carolyn's luggage... (yes the heavy type with wheels) squashed the poor lizard. They were screaming like hell. At last, my frens used it to scare their angel in our devil and angels game. Basically, everyone has an angel, and you have to scare them. I only write notes to my devil, yam yee ling who wasn't even scared -_-
Anyways, we met up with Pak long, the manager or sumting of Terap Inn. And the people that creates activities for us, En. Zaidi and a guy he calls "unknown species" who was a former commando and has the voice louder than a herd of elephants... xD I kinda miss them now. 
That night, we played "fireball". That was the most AWESOME game I ever played in my life. The commando and EZ asked us to close our eyes and imagine the game. It was dark and kinda scary, and we cnt open our eyes. i feel all the teachers grinning at smirking at us in front. xD.. duh. We look like sleep walkers being soldiers. Someone tapped us on the shoulders when we were closing. I didn't flinch. It's not THAT surprising. And we smelt gas. when we opened our eyes, the petrol smell is still there. The two guys brandished a coconut at our faces. We were like, "wtf??" when they said that was our fireball. But when they lighted it with fire, REAL FIRE. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. We were seperated into groups. The guy said we have to play it like football. and we can even take up the ball of fire, which he said a lot of people did with bare hands and throw it at the goal. When he blew the whistle, even I played. Though not as ho liao as my other group members as they kicked the ball like they're fighting for a gem. I scared I'll be squashed coz I'm so tiny. XD
Neways, my team won. and we were allowed to play the game again til SOMEONE stopped us from playing. She said it was dangerous coz one of the girls' shoes got on fire for like, a while and she said that she might get on fire. Actually, I was wondering WHY she didn't jus kick that girl outta the game and let the others play. at last, each team can only play once. GEEZ
Then, we went to sleep after sitting around the ball and given some advice from EZ. The fireball was damn nice. My eyes was glued to it the whole time he was talking. lolxDD
I can;t reli sleep at night. Me, emily, Wang nd Lee talked. I dozed off a little. Lee kept awake the whole night. That night, there was a damn huge spider under my bag, a centipede(eesh) at the door, something crawling up Lee's neck and that squashed lizard. Pn. Ashikin and Pn. Yasmin slept with us that night. Pn. Ashikin din reli sleep. Pn. Yasmin slept, even though she said they will stay awake... XD Who can stay awake whole night? Seriously.
Day two
Morning, woke up, bathe, water cold like hell, hungry. Forced to do exercise by EZ and DS (diff species) to exercise. Now I'm having muscle pains. they say we can get six packs like that. Me and Natasha was like, " we dun wan six packs TT) Had breakfast and headed out to jungle trekking.Was delayed because Pn. kosah wanted to do smtin. We were like, "..." Nevermind -___- 
Jungle trekking was damn fun. If only there isn't so many mosquitoes. And I did a full split hen I was using a rope and going down. I didn't even feel the pain. I just said, "shit" xD
Thay night was prefects' night. I knew my devil then. It was uh... Thivya was her name I think. XDD... she sent me, "u were so brave just nw during the fireball game". Something like that. =DD 
Me and my team did a little drama and I sang solo a little while. (I hope no one's ears got damaged =D)
I was damn tired, and the weather is kinda cold tht nite coz it rained. That I slept the whole night and even dreamed. Ms. Pam and Pn. Ashikin slept with us agn tht nite. B4 I slept. Me and Pn. Ashikin was debating on the packet of popia my fren forced on me... At last, we decided to throw it to Ms. Pam... xDD I dunno what happened d... I fell asleep after yelling for a while.
Day Three..
Morning. Water even colder. Ms.Pam said she din sleep. (i think she did tho XP) Walk. Exercise. Played a complicated game where the tea members have to tie a string around themselves and put the pencil into the bottle. Kinda complicated.
After lunch, we went home. The bus was damn quiet... Evryone slept. Even me... i only woke up when tht stupid fly kacau me. Reached there bout 5. Took my bag and go with Wang to Ms Pam. Ms. Pam was like so happy to see her. Til she asked for hp and Ms. Pam's expression was like.. swt -___-
Den I was like, asking Wang to hug me... i say two weeks din see each other. She dunwan... (she saja... actually she wan xD) Emily dunwan... Then I asked Ms. Pam... And she actually hugged me =) Which was good coz I'm not hugged for some time. Okay, A loooooong time =DD
Oh, BTW. Wang's conversation with Ms. Pam is damn stupid =pp
Wang: Teacher, you just sleep in bus isit?
MP: Yesla...
Wang: Teacher, den what you did in the bus?
Me and MP: -___- swt 
Dats it... Gosh... no pics coz SOMEONE say we cnt bring hp or camera. 
OW! stomach aching lk hell... 
kthxbai =))