Broken

We officially broke up today (:
He broke it I guess :D
And now, I'm officially single :D
Dunno how I feel about that
A little sad I guess (:
But my feelings had been some muddled lately
Even I do not know what I am thinking...
Oh well (: Might as well be happy :D

Forgotten.

It's alright to be the one to bear the burden, to stand the jeers, to walk the plank and bear with the hate.
But it is never right to get branded as "annoying".
Take it this way, you love your friends like hell. You would do anything for them. Sacrifice classes, egos, and   happiness. You do everything you can for them. Be a friend, sister, mother (yes, sounds old but it's true.) or even a listener that sits for hours listening to nonsensical crap and telling you back some of my own nonsensical crap. Stick up for them, agree with everything, bash up that person that makes them cry.
And at the end of the day, no one comes to you even when you are so hurt you could just throw yourself down from a freaking high building. You know why? This is because everyone thinks I am titanium, a hard boulder, an android that has no feelings because I never show an inch of sadness in front of them. Just because I don't cry like you people, doesn't mean I am feelingless!
It isn't easy ya know, being the fire extinguisher or the middle person. I have to make so many parties happy, agree with anything and never utter a single word when you guys say no to anything I've suggested. Did you guys notice that? Seems not. Why? Cause everyone again thinks I don't mind. Because I never say a single thing against your decisions. I agree with everyone and leave it to you guys to discuss whether you want this, that or the other or not. What else do I have to do? I've comforted everyone I can. Do you want me to go on my bended knees and beg you guys? All I want is to have everyone happy and talking with each other on the day of the competition. But no, everyone doesn't see that. They see me as a betrayer, a stupid person, an idiotic person that has NO right to be angry or sad or I will be scorned at.
I can't break down, cannot cry, cannot make a face. Once, when you guys suddenly choose a different thing and told me at the last minute. I was pissed. But when I show a bit of displeasure I got shouted at. At last? I gritted my teeth and worked it out. At that time, I was bad mooded too! I was sick and on meds with a sleepy situation. Did anyone ask what's wrong? NO! They only noticed that I was bad mooded. No wrong on their part. only wrong on my part because I was bad mooded.
Ever noticed that when you guys are in bad moods, you have people backing you up. Supporters, consolers, including me! What happened when I was mad, when I was hurt? Everyone talks behind my back. Now you guys have the guts to call me a betrayer?! Who is the betrayer?
When I'm in a bad mood, I can't shout or breakdown. Coz I know if I do, everyone will breakdown with me! I've withstood your ever-changing moods, rude words and ignorance for so long. If I have to stand another minute of this I will burst out and become one of those demented people!
There, I've spitted everything I felt out. Now everyone will probably hate me because as I said, I CANNOT complain! I am supposed to be the stupid android girl that plans, does, asks, and hated. The middle fire extiguisher. But I don't care, at least I don't talk behind your backs, I tell you straight in the faces. At least I don't call YOU a betrayer. And at least I did not shout it to your faces.
That's all I can say, and thanks a lot to my friend Wang today. Without her, I would probably have a breakdown, meltdown and jump right off the balcony.
There. Say what you want about me now I don't mind.

Rude "wise" people

So I haven't been updating my blog for ages now, so i'm gonna update it now since something happened to me today that made me so mad I could just. BARF (:
I seriously do not know what I did. All I did was stand while waiting for their conversation to end so that I could talk. But do you know what happened? I got snapped at and talked to as thought I'm a dog. I am not gonna elaborate on this (: Siapa makan cili dia yang rasa pedasnya :D But I was seriously pissed. I do not like to be treated like a dog (: And you know. If you've been following my blog (or stalking it) this whole time. That I would give a payback to those people who made me mad. For no reason!
Who do you think you are anyway? Do you think you're really that popular with the whole world under your feet and following whatever you say? Guess what, you are NOT. And don't you think you could get past me so easily. If you were trying to prove something to me, you obviously did it already. Proving how rude you are (: Do you know? There's a saying in BM that states that a child is a piece of white cloth, it is up to you to colour it . How do you show a good example to kids if you are worse than them? If you think you are great, then lemme tell you this. You FAIL.
All I can say is, you'd better becareful. I've been pretty controlled and good this year (: Want another outbreak of Vanessa's-gila-disease? I can you know. I can choose to be as bad as I want. :D This is called kebebasan. Freedom. And if you become the person that triggers my madness, I think a lot of people will hate ya :D
kthxbaii ;) And please, anyone reading this don't be perasan ;) Perasan-ness kills the Dog :D

Mum ILY (:

This story is so touching it definitely did almost make me cry. Not from me though, I go it from Facebook.
My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, ‘EEEE, your mom only has one eye!’

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?’

My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, ‘How dare you come to my house and scare my children!’ GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!’

And to this, my mother quietly answered, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,’ and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

‘My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children.

I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,

Your mother.’


Go fuck yourself stupid guy (: 
BTW, if you are wondering why the mother never told the little boy when he was like this during his childhood. 
I think it is probably because the mother knew the kid wouldn't understand. 
And the sacrifices your mum make for you need not be told, she just wants you and me happy :D
Love your mum (:
kthxbaii :D

Happy Mother's Day :D

This year, I am gonna post another Mother's Day thing and gonna use very "chim" English so... Enjoy :D
Mum, I wanna tell you that you light up my life like nobody else (accept my bolster :P) and thanks for everything you have done for me. I know you'd tried to be more in tune with me and changed a lot and even bear with my crappy attitude every time without saying a word. Let's just say, I do not think your sacrifice have been wasted coz I seen it, and I wanna thank you so much :3 I'll try and be a better girl in future and the daughter of your heart ;D I hope you'll still love me despite being so annoying and bad mooded at weird times.
BTW, I also wanna thank you aunty/mum. You're like a mum to me already :D It's like I have mums with me wherever I go and I'm obviously very lucky because of that :D I thank you for everything too coz you were there for me when I needed to talk non-stop :D Oh yeah, and fixing my breakfasts, and washing my tupperwear, and nagging me to do stuff, and er... countless stuff (Teehee :D). Don't worry I'll try to be less lazy for you (:
Yeah and I have to thank both my mothers for being there to lend their ears when I needed to talk about simple stuff, school stuff and weird stuff about women :D It seems that when I start talking, I can't really stop ._. So thanks for being so patient and humouring me :3
All in all, thanks for all the sacrifices you both made for me. Even though you guys (girls) bite sometimes when I  get lazy (which is a lot) I know you guys care for me :DD (again, girls) Special thanks for both of you who dared to change my bedsheets and my smelly (to you not me) bolster :DD I must say, I might just have the best mothers in the world :DDD
Happy Mother's Day mummies :D
I Love Ya!!! :3

Cheers :D

I did not write for a very long time it seems (:

For the time period I was away, many things changed.

My heart, my soul was maybe misunderstood for being ripped into two. But it was never so :D

Whatever I did, I did it to stop myself from being hurt, from tearing for no reason.

Remember those moments when I post totally emo stuff on my blog?

Yeah, the things I do is to stop the emo-ness from happening again.

Stiil :d I'm up for another try :3

17/4 is a day where I will try (:

If I fail... I fail I guess :D

You won't know that I am talking about but the thing is

I'm doing this for love (:

Wish me luck xD

Anyway...

This is the feeling I've been trying to hide, even from myself for a while now :')

kthxbaii (:

have a nice April ;)

Oh BTw, my birthday was so perfect that day xD

Merentas Desa 2012 (:

Here are some of the activities we've done during merentas desa last saturday (:

One word. Weird.
This is obviously me :D And I'm not sure why I look like that. My friend Janet took it when I was doing goodness knows what :P
We ran (I walked) til our legs hurt like shyt. And when we reach back. I got insulted by my teacher and her favourite student for not being able to run :DDD Hardi har har :\ I guess they WERE joking. Too bad I don't feel amused (: Nah ┌∩┐(-_-)┌∩┐

Was altogether a fun experience :DD (accept for the insult/joke/idunreallycare) Don't have much to write now (: Will write an inspirational post the next time i on (:

kthxbaiii :D

stay tuned. xD